“A Letter to my Bully”

“A Letter to my Bully”

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Hello beauties, I hope you all are having a lovely week so far and that it just gets better from here! As part of my little mini series of letters, I decided to direct this letter to “my bully”. I wanted to make a letter like this for a while now especially on this topic, so I thought why not do it now? High school was a touch era for me, and I had a lot to say but never had the chance to say it. I hope you guys like these letters, and please feel free to comment below and what you guys think of them!

To my bully,

Hi, it’s me again. I know you probably do not want to hear from me, in fact, I don’t think you have ever heard from me at all.  Isn’t that kind of weird? That I have heard you speak so many times, yet you have never even heard me? Some people think I am outgoing, funny, and bubbly while others tend to think I am more shy and reserved. I wonder what you would think of me? For someone who thought they knew me so well inside and out you would be surprised at how much you don’t know me. I think this is mainly because you never got the chance to get to know me. Instead of mumbling things behind my back and talking about me, why didn’t you just approach me? Knowing who I am as an individual, I would’ve taken the time to listen to what you had to say, but would you have taken the chance to listen to me? Probably not. So now I am going to address what I would’ve said to you, looking back on this whole situation years later down the road. I want to thank you. Not for how you impacted my life in a negative way throughout my high school experience but for making me a stronger person than I was years earlier.  Thank you for making me realize that not everyone on this earth is a caring and humble human being, but some appear to be a bit lost or maybe confused. I want to place myself in your shoes. I wondered what was happening in your life during those years to make you treat others so horribly.  I wondered if you needed someone to talk to, or maybe just to vent to. You know, my friends tell me I am a good listener, and I would’ve taken the time out of my day to listen to your life and try my best to offer advice. But you see, you wouldn’t let me, in fact you wouldn’t even give me that chance. Instead of taking the time to get to know me as an individual, you judged me before you even took that step. The glares, the rumours, the endless amount of chatter behind my back enough for me to hear, the verbal abuse over the internet and to my face all started. I wondered what was going through your head during all these attacks? Did you feel good after this all? Did you congratulate yourself after putting me down?  Did your self -esteem raise as you took some of mine?  I wonder what exactly was going through your head all these years after the tormenting. Did I let this experience ruin my life? Absolutely not. Did this awful epidemic ruin my high school experience? 100%. Want to know what frustrates me the most? Not what you did to me exactly but how I see yourself  affecting my little sisters. I see who you were in the eyes of their bully. Their personal tormenter, their intimidator, and their personal aggressor. I see the hurt that they are experiencing, and I know it first hand. Why? Because of you. Because you claimed to know me so well, and wanted to make my life a living hell. I see days where my sisters do not want to go to school because they are afraid, I see their happy selves fading because of their bully’s aggressive domineering ways. I see fear. Why should anyone in their life experience that sort of feeling ever? How is this fair to anyone? Ask yourself this. Better yet, I want you to ask yourself this when you are teaching your children good morals for school. I wonder what type of advice you are going to give your child when they experience a bully first hand, or will they simply follow in your footsteps? Will they follow your ways how you were in high school? How you treated me? How my little sister’s bully treated them? What role model are you going to be? I hope for their sake, someone better than you were back then. Someone with compassion, sensitivity, and overall portrays a positive atmosphere. I want you to give people a chance, and an opportunity for them to show you who they are before judging or humiliating them. I did not get that chance, but I really hope you give someone else it. I feel sorry for you. I am sorry you missed out on seeing how wonderful of a person I am. I am sorry you misinterpreted me, and I am sorry you had low self-esteem. Overall, I am sorry for how you were raised. Being raised to think it’s okay to humiliate a person at school and cause them years of anxiety. Being raised to treat others like shit, and hold yourself high when I know you are nowhere near that. Being raised to make someone else’s’ life miserable who never did a thing to you. I am sorry you were raised like that.

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Overall, this letter of emotions I had built up over those couple of years and to this day is finally coming out. This letter is not intended to give off my hatred towards you, because then I would become the bully, you. This letter is to rather inform you of the damage you’ve caused me those few years, but the strength that grew from that. Because of you, I am more aware of how much bullying occurs within schools. I now give advice to my younger sisters to help them get through this awful situation. I give them  the advice you taught me. To never become the person you were. To treat people with the respect they deserve, and to listen what others have to say. I tell them that this is only one person in your life, and to move forward. To not let this individual ruin or control your life. I tell them they are strong. In fact, I know them way better than you or their bully will ever know them. Why? Because I took the time to get to know them. Even though they are my sisters, I took the time to listen to their stories, to know what their favourite board game is, to offer advice whenever I can, and to provide the love they deserve. This is why their bully will never know them. They did not take the time to get to know each one as a special individual. As a person. As a being who has feelings. Instead, their bully intimidates, threatens, and judges their every move. Their bully tries to make their lives more miserable than hers, just like you did to me. How dare you take a piece of my freedom away from me for those years. The ability to walk in my school with my head held high was taken from me. It’s people like you who are the ones that live the miserable lives. Not us. I often question myself as to why I was the vulnerable one. The target in your little game. Why I was the susceptible one to your endless  amount of verbal torture over the years.I want you to answer that. I specifically want you to answer this question if one of your children asks you this. If one day they experience what you did to me.  What are you going to tell them? Because they deserved it?  Is your child going to be one of the 47% of individuals in Canada that bullying happens to? For me to say that I hope your child does not experience what you put me through should mean something to you. I hope they get that sense of freedom in high school that was taken from me, because they deserve it.

From your vulnerable victim,

Alyssa

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“A Letter to my Bestfriend”

“A Letter to my Bestfriend”

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Hello my beauties! I decided to do a bit of a “series” of letters basically directed to people anonymously. I will not mention any names but I thought this was a neat concept and idea in order to get all my emotions/feelings towards these individuals out on paper. Basically they are going to start off saying ” A letter to so-and-so”. I am going to obviously change it up every week, but let me know what you guys think of my little mini series!

Dear Bestfriend ,

Going into University I was secretly trying to heal. I was dealing with a relationship that was extremely unhealthy and I knew that but I really did not want to believe it. When I came into that house I secretly think you knew that about me, even though you did not know me as a person. See, I have a tendency to hide things, personal things from people. Unless I am extremely close to you, I will not tell you all of my darkest secrets. Best friend I want to ask you a question. Even though you did not know me as an individual, how did you already know that I was secretly drowning in my current relationship?  Even when he came over to visit, you knew things were not right. I want to thank you for your courage. Your courage to tell me that you knew I could do better. Your courage to pull me aside and ask if I was okay. Your courage to say a sarcastic remark back to him when he put me down infront of you. But you see, this is not about him, it’s about you.  Your courage is stronger than others, not just within this situation,  but in general. Sometimes I feel that I can see it more than you can at times, but that’s okay, because I know you will see it clearer at some point in life. Overall I want to say thank you. Before I met you, I had friends here and there but I did not have that goofy friend you see in movies where you can share everything with.

By everything I do not just mean candies, chocolate and clothes. I mean life chats, sharing your family events, sharing your darkest secrets, and offering support. The amount of support that I have received from you over the years is indescribable. I am not just talking about you listening to my rants over things and providing that amazing advice you always give. No. I am talking about that sign you wrote in the window to wish me good luck on my exam, I am talking about the times you held me when I thought the world was falling down around me, those times when you would write me cute random notes to brighten my day. These are the little things that truly make you my best friend. When I was going through my “hard time”, you barged into my room and pretty much saved me when maybe I did not want to be saved. Thank you for being my guardian angel.  You listened to me even when I did not want to listen to myself speak. You took in what I was saying, and did not react in a way that made me seem psychotic. Instead, you provided the support I needed, and just laid with me in my bed. For that, I want to say thank you. Thank you for making so many positive quotes and hanging them up on my wall. For taking the time to come up with these beautiful sayings when I needed to read them and see them the most. For using your artistic qualities to hang them all over my room, and write me a heart felt note to make sure I was okay. I want to say thank you.

Thank you for showing me the positive side of life. For giving me something to look forward to each day. For allowing me to experience new things in the world, in a “not-so-shy view point”. Your outgoing personality grows on people, just as much as your beauty. Somedays I feel like you don’t see that, but I just want to enforce that when I say “you are beautiful” I truly mean it.  If I could write a whole list of everything I loved about you, I would’ve wrote a hundred pages by now. Although sometimes I know you don’t see all the wonderful things, I want you to know that others do, including myself. I want to thank you for making this world a more beautiful place to be in.  I want to thank you for making me laugh until my stomach hurts. The nights where we just sit there and have life chats. All of these moments I cherish so much. Why? Because I get to share them with you best friend. Thank you for sharing your life with me and allowing me to get to know who you are as a person, and your family. You have given me the opportunity to see how beautiful of a person you truly are, and I want to broadcast that with others. What we have is something special.  I would not trade it for anything else in the world.

Thank you for being everything I could ask for in a best friend, in fact, you go above and beyond. I really wish you could see how amazing you are as a person, because nobody compares to you. From seeing each other at our lowest to our best, you have always been there for me and I appreciate it so much.  Being around you, I know it’s always going to be a great time. You recreate the definition of “fun” and make it so much more. Some people are way too serious in life, but you know when to switch that off. Sure we have our ups and downs, but sooner or later we are laughing about it or talking it out.  I love how independent you are. I love the “saying opposites do attract”, because I really do believe this is the case for us. From a quiet shy girl to an outgoing dominant girl, we truly have an inseparable bond. Thank you best friend, for just being you.

Want to know what I truly can not wait for best friend? I can not wait til my kids look at you like their second mom. I can not wait for our kids to play together one day , and we can tell them all of our wonderful stories back in the day. I look up to you best friend, and I know one day my kids will look up to you too. I want them to see and get to know the person who made me the girl I am today. The girl who made it through university with a few pushes here and there. I want them to know the true definition of what a best friend is and looks like. I can not wait to point to you.

Thank you best friend, for being my friend.

Love,

Alyssa

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10 things I’m happy I tried and learned before I was 23

10 things I’m happy I tried and learned before I was 23

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Hello my beauties! I hope your week is going good, just been super stressed with school these days, but hey…. almost done and it’s my reading week!  I thought I would write this blog post today on “10 things I’m happy I tried and learned before I was 23”. I have been feeling really inspired lately to write posts based on my personal life or just advice that I have in general. I have been laying off the beauty posts recently because let’s face it… I am poor and can’t afford all that beauty shenanigans right now so bare with me okay?! Alright let’s jump right into it! Throughout life, everyone goes through obstacles, ones that are good and some well not so much. Usually sooner or later, we learn things the hard way but hey that’s how we learn right!?

1). Keeping friends in your life who shouldn’t be given that second chance– Throughout your life you are going to come across many different friends who will love and cherish you! Although we are constantly meeting new people each day, we don’t often sit down to think if certain ones should stay apart of your life for the long run. Over the years and from personal experience, I have become friends with certain people who I thought at the time were great. I enjoyed hanging out with them, and loved spending time with them.  I kept this certain “person” in my life for a few years, thinking everything was great and dandy. Boy was I wrong! This so called “friend” took a drastic turn and basically made my life a living hell. They probably should not have been in my life as long as they were, and thinking back now I wish I would’ve made that decision sooner before more damage was done. Luckily now I do not associate with this person, and I am happy I do not have that negative/and bad influence of energy pulling me down. Friends are supposed to love, cherish and support you no matter what. They should never bully you, turn against you, and make each day a negative one! Although this was an awful experience to go through, it now makes me more aware of what kind of friends I want within my life.

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2) Going through that rough heartbreak– Let’s face it, we have all been there and done that within our lives. Is it a nice feeling? Hell absolutely not! But it happens and we can only learn from it! Over the years of my life I have gone through multiple heart breaks and breakups, some more bearable than others. Although I hated going through these at the time, I am then again happy that I went through them. I am now getting better and holding myself together, moving on, and developing coping strategies to  get myself up on my own two feet. During my first break up, I was so devastated that I really did not know what to do. After experiencing more over the years, I am now a stronger girl who can hold it together okay. I now know exactly what I want in a relationship and what I will not settle for.

3) Finally landing a job in a child-related work place– When that initial add popped up for the Day Care position I was extremely hesitant. I was thinking in my head ” this is completely different than the other jobs I have had in the past”. Sure I absolutely love children, and I am in a Child and Youth Program at my school, but I have only really worked within the fast food industry. Looking back to that really scary interview day, I am super proud of myself for taking the time to apply. Was it an easy interview? No. Was I calm and relaxed? Absolutely not. Was I completely out of my comfort zone? YES. Am I proud that I went in to talk to two individuals for 30 minutes of my day? 100%. I accomplished getting through a fancy interview. I accomplished working in a day care where the supervisor had given me a heads up it wasn’t an easy day care to work at. I got to gather that experience working with children one on one, and I wouldn’t take that back for a second.

4) I failed one of my University exams– So in my first year of university, I really did not know how the course load was going to be. I was completely awakened by how much work you needed to do in order to keep your grades up. When my first set of exams came, I sat in that huge room with all those chairs and felt my heart sink out of my bum. I could not believe how intense the room was to write these exams! After receiving my exam and beginning it, I knew right away I was completely screwed.  I hardly knew any of the answers and just sat there. You know when you try to bull shit answers and think to yourself ” okay you got this, that sounds good”? Yeah well I tried to do that, but ended up failing so bad. After receiving the lowest mark I ever got on an exam, this gave me an extreme wake up call. In a sense I am glad I got to experience that because now I know that I had to work harder if I wanted to stay within this atmosphere. I certainly picked up my act let’s just say!

5) I got black out drunk– So really not too long ago when I come to think of it, I had drank a little too much let’s just say. I never really thought that I would ever get black out drunk but yes it did eventually happen.  In a sense I am glad I got to experience this before the age of 23 because it certainly is not a nice experience to encounter!  After these situations did happen I made some poor choices towards my boyfriend which ended up in arguments, and felt like complete crap the next day! Will I be drinking that much again? Absolutely not. These days I make sure I am better control of my drinks, so I don’t end up in bad situations.

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6) I took the time to figure out who I was– Over the years, especially within high school, I literally had no idea who I was. I struggled for the longest time to fit in, and just wanted to be included. I did not know what my hobbies were, or who my true friends were during that time. Over my university years, I have gathered a better understanding of who I am as an individual, tried new things such as blogging, made some new friends who are extremely valuable in my life, and took the time to figure out what I love about myself.

7) I trusted myself and my gut instinct– So about two years ago, I went through an extremely bad breakup with my ex. I kept thinking that things would get better, and that he deserved a second chance. I finally woke up one day  to realize and question to myself ” what are you doing, you are not even happy!?”.  I knew deep in my heart that I could not see a future with this guy whatsoever. I followed my gut feeling and ended everything. After another year had passed I had been talking to one of my good guy friends for quite some time. I knew for a fact that I was physically attracted to the guy, and I loved his personality. I basically kept him in the friend zone for quite some time, scared to commit to him. After talking to friends and family for quite some time about this whole situation, I came to my senses to give this guy a chance. Sure I completely felt scared that I would get hurt again, or that I would find the wrong person, but I decided to date him.  After a year now I can proudly say this was the best decision of my life, and to never second guess your gut instincts.

8)I faced my demons– So within my second year of university I was faced with a bunch of pills on my bed, contemplating my life. I grew tired over the years of struggling with my anxiety, and did not know how to properly treat it. During these times I did not know I was diagnosed with general anxiety, so I would often think something was wrong with me, or I was often jealous of how other people got off easier than I did. I faced my anxiety one on one through multiple therapy sessions, a hospital visit, and medication I take now on a daily basis. Instead of pushing this mental illness to the side, I am facing it one on one, and I know that I am stronger than him.

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9) I pushed myself out of my comfort zone– There were two occasions where I can remember clear as day how I was pushed out of my comfort zone. At the time I absolutely hated it no doubt about it. When I look back at it, I am glad certain people helped push me and I am proud that I pushed myself. Within highschool, there was this specific teacher that I had who liked to push me. He loved to get his students’ opinions on certain things, but somehow always managed to call on me, even though my hand was never raised. I was that type of student, and still am today, where I like to sit at the back and just listen, you will never see my hand raised. The first time he called on me, I could feel the sweat start to drip down my back, because I hated having that much attention on myself. I of course, stated what I wrote down for the questions he was asking, and read out my answers. The second day I did not raise my hand, and just was waiting for other students to talk. Of course what happened again? He called on me to answer. So again, I stated my answer, and they were actually decent answers, I just hated speaking out loud.  After class finished that day I thought to myself, “what is more embarrassing? Being called on without your hand being raised, or knowing the answer and offering to state it?”. I thought long and hard about this question and came to the conclusion that I was going to start raising my hand for that class. I secretly think my teacher knew that I had good answers, and knew that I could push myself. I am really thankful that he did that to me. Another incident happened in University when I was entitled to do a debate in my seminar against another student. First of all, let me just start off by saying I absolutely hate doing debates. I am that type of girl who needs everything written down, and I am not really good at coming up with certain things on the spot. Ever. I had an overwhelming amount of anxiety for this presentation, and I knew it accounted for a lot of my grade. So I decided to work hard on it. I wanted to be fully prepared for my presentation and rehearsed it numerous of times. When it came time for my presentation I thought to myself that morning ” Are you going to let your anxiety get the best of you? I think not! You worked your ass off for this presentation, so finish it was a bang, you got this”. I am so proud that I tried my absolute best for my nerves not to get the best of me. I am so happy the presentation is done and over with, but I can say I did it.

10) I learned to let go of my past– Of course, everyone has something in their past that may bother them, or it may be hard to let go. I finally have started learning how to let things in my past brush aside, and move past me. When it came to relationships I could never let things go such as “assuming every guy treated you the same way” or ” something a guy did that hurt you tremendously”. I held onto this like a weight on my shoulders, and always carried that “what-if” aspect. What I have learned is that in order to live a happy life, you need to let things go no matter how painful they may be. Trust me, there are certain times where I just want to punch a person out because I am so mad at what they did to me, but what would that solve? Are they worth keeping in your life? Is it better to try to work things out? These are the questions you need to ask yourself.  I have learned that every guy is different, you just need to let go of the past relationships, and focus on the new one you are entering. This is a fresh start, go into it with an open mind.

Well I hope you guys enjoyed my blog post for this week, be sure to follow my page for new ones every week! Thanks for reading my beauts!

Much love xo.

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Did that actually happen to me!? My most embarrassing moments.

Did that actually happen to me!? My most embarrassing moments.

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Hello my gorgeous beauts! So I was thinking, sometimes you just need a good laugh, am I right? I know some days when I am down in the dumps I look up on Youtube baby videos, or puppy videos or even different YouTubers most embarrassing moments. I thought to myself ” I am a clutz and a spaz, so why not share some of my stories with you guys!?” Here are a few of my most embarrassing stories that I came up with at the top of my head that I think you guys will enjoy reading about!

  1. I absolutely hated wearing underwear– So when I was about 5 or so, my family had just moved to Jarvis and we were starting to get to know our neighbors and what not. I went through this certain phase during this time where I absolutely hated wearing underwear. I hated the feeling, the texture, just was not having it. I remember on multiple occasions where my mom would have to check me before going to school if I was wearing any. So on this one particular summer day, I decided to go bike riding down my street with my sister, in a lovely summer dress, with nothing down there. Do not ask me how this would be comfy because I literally have no idea. So my sister and I decided to have a contest who could ride their bike with no hands. Do you really think I could do this? Um no. So of course I went airborne, bike goes the opposite way and the dress goes up. Who decides to come and help? My next door neighbour. The full moon was out early that day.

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2. I hate centipedes– When I was in high school, I went through a phase where I absolutely hated penises. I thought they looked absolutely nasty, they were weird and I just was not having it. In fact I hated the word penis so much I referred to them as “centipedes”. So one day I was talking to this boy who I liked and was seeing. At the same time I was talking to my friend and explaining to her why I hated penises and what I called him. Didn’t I send this lovely text to the guy I was seeing by mistake. If he doesn’t think I was a lesbian before, I am sure he does now.

3. I thought I was being a badass– So when I was in Elementary school in third grade , I remember I was able to stay in during lunch recess because I had sprained my ankle badly that week. So let’s just get one thing straight here. I was an angel in school. I hated getting in trouble, never talked back, mostly because I was scared to. So this one day, I was staying inside while my teacher was on duty, and this other girl that I knew in my class was staying inside too for some reason. She was the more “rebellious” type if I do say so, where I was the complete opposite.  We started talking to one another, then she stated that we should write a note to her friend and tape it to her desk. Knowing me as being the quiet type, I did not say no, so I sat beside her as she wrote it. What did this note say if you may ask? Basically it said ” Will you have sex with me, from so and so” (she put in some guy’s name in our class). So she taped it to her desk, and soon everyone came back inside from recess. She found the note and right away showed the teacher. Of course her and I were the only ones in for recess so we both got the rough end of the stick. I started bawling in class, and she wrote me a note to give to my parents. How mortifying.  Also I had to stand on the wall for a whole recess. That was the end of my badass phase.

4. I didn’t know we could use a cheat sheet– So you are probably thinking, okay this does not seem that embarrassing when looking at the title? Sure it’s not that embarrassing when you are in high school and what not, but when you are in university you would think you have your shit together. So I was in a course called “Intercultural studies”, and I hated the time frame that it was set on this certain day. I absolutely hate going to late classes, so I never really went to this class that often.  I knew that all the lectures were online, so I was not too worried when it came time for the exam. So when it came time for the exam, I caught the bus and was waiting outside the gym to be let in. I knew that there were 3 or more other exams going on around the same time I was writing mine, and saw that a lot of people around me were carrying a cheat sheet. I calmly reassured myself that they were probably in another class and not mine. So when I sat in my row to write my exam I noticed my friend sitting a few seats behind me with a cheat sheet as well. We were allowed to bring a friggen cheat sheet to this exam that was two sided! Of course the prof only mentioned this little detail in lecture when I was not there and being a scholar. My friend did not even mention anything about a cheat sheet either. I literally looked like the biggest idiot winging this exam when I could’ve had the information right infront of my face.  I literally just sat there laughing and asking myself why am I even in university? Scholar much?

5. Dressing sexy for the doctor– So when I was in high school I rememeber always complaining about a bump that hurt under my arm. It started hurting more and more each day. So my mom decided to take me to the hospital to get it checked out. So I laid back in the chair and the doctor came and took a look. He then told me to put on a gown and come back into the room. First of all, I had absolutely no idea I was going to have to get changed.  Just take a second to guess what I was wearing?  One of the most sexiest, laciest, seducing bras that I own. I was mortified! The fact that I was going to have to show that in order for him to get a better look at my armpit. Too bad he wasn’t Ryan Gosling!

6. I got a bloody nose– So when I was with a past boyfriend a couple years ago, we decided to hang out one day and watch movies. So as things started to get a bit …. intense…. I went in to be sexy and kiss him. Little did I know he went to kiss me too, but ended up head butting me in the nose. I was completely turned off, and rather than finishing the kiss, I watched the rest of the movie in peace. I was so mad at him that I didn’t say a word as he handed me a tissue for my nose.Let’s just say that is one way to ruin the mood!

7. I was a lesbian?–  So a couple years ago during my single times, my little sister was trying to figure out a guy for me to date. I was not opposed to dating sites at all, I feel that you could potentially find a decent guy on one of those sites! So my little sister decided to sign me up for free on this site which I was fine with.  So about after a few hours when I was all signed up, I started getting random messages from girls like “Rachel” and “anna” saying you’re so goodlooking, when do you want to hang out? Little did I know at the time, my little sister accidently said I was looking for women as opposed to men.  I was receiving emails that whole entire day.

8. Insects know when you are scared of them– So it was Prom, and we were now celebrating the after party. Of course this is a time to literally drink your life away with all of your good friends, and celebrate how great grade 12 was. My hair was still the way I had it presented for Prom since my hair was absolutely full of hair spray. So we were in my friends garage partying away with literally everyone, and all of a sudden this giant…. and I mean giant ass moth flies in. I have never seen a moth this big in my entire life, and it was a teal colour, how weird eh? Where do you think it decides to land?! Obviously in my hair. By this point I am completely hammered, crying, and freaking out that this creature will not get out of my hair. My friends and boyfriend at the time had to detangle it from my hair and shoo it out of the garage. Let’s just say thank gosh I was a little intoxicated, because that would have been much worse sober.

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9. I went for a little swim– I absolutely love fishing and feeling that nibble on the hook when a fish is there. So literally forever ago, I was fishing with my grandma and mom on the Grand River. To this day I still do not understand what even happened, but I somehow managed to fall in. I was crying and my mom and grandma had to help me out of that nasty ass water. Next time ill be sure to wear a life jacket.

10. I thought I was the hottest emo chick– In high school I went through this phase where I decided I wanted to look emo. I always thought the hairstyles were super cute, I loved the bright neon pants, and loved dark makeup.  So for about 2-3 years I decided to try this style out, and literally thought I looked mighty fine. Now looking back on pictures you literally question yourself if you were on any drugs at that particular time in your life or what?! It is so embarrassing looking back on old high school photos, and seeing a girl with literally a line for each eyebrow, and this ridiculous nest on my head that was considered hair. Thank god I managed to get out of that phase because I tell you, something was a little off there.

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11. I sent my landlord a bath picture– I think 1 or two years ago was when this whole ordeal took place. Do you guys remember neck nominations ? My friend and I were trying to be cute, and did ours in the bathtub together with our bathing suits on and our drinks in our hand. Of course we had to take a crap ton of pictures, because that is what I do. I was texting my mom at the time telling her our neck nomination and what we did for it ( yes we are super close in that way), but at the same time I was texting my landlord about something as well. Not knowing I was still messaging my land lord, I sent her a picture of my friend and I in the bath tub. The sad part is I did not realize I did this til after a few minutes went by, then I had to explain to her what had happened. So embarrassing!

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12. I peed on a subway– So it was my best friend’s birthday party at the time, and I was visiting her in Toronto for that weekend. We decided to go out both the Friday and Saturday and literally just get belligerent.  I am not used to taking subways in my life, so this whole subway thing was a new experience for me. So let’s just get one thing straight. When I drink, I always always always have to pee literally all the time.  So we all got on the subway to go to a bar. It was literally the fourth stop when I knew that I had to pee super bad. I knew that we had a few more stops to go, and there were no bathrooms in the subway station. There was literally no body except us on the subway, so I did the dirty. I literally played it so cool (there were cameras on the subway), quickly sat on a subway chair, lifted up my skirt a bit and went. Yes disgusting but you gotta do what you gotta do. Probably one of the most outrageous things I have ever done. Mom would be so proud.

13. My 21st didn’t go as planned– So for my 21st  decided that I really wanted to go full out because well…. why not. I decided to invite a shit ton of my friends, especially the guy that I liked at the time.  I decided to get a head start on my drinking before all of my friends came by. Was this the brightest idea? Absolutely not. This was the first time I ever got black out drunk, and I literally went from 0 to 100 real quick. I was put to bed literally around 10:30 while some of my friends still went out. I sadly can not even say I made it out for my 21st but at least the 2 hours that I drank were good?

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14. I forgot my pencil case in class– So if anyone knows me by now, they know for a fact that I really do not know my profs that well, nor do I care to take the time out of my day to do so. This is not because I am ignorant, I am literally too shy to handle that. So I wrote an exam yesterday in my classroom, and always sit in the back row.  After I finished my exam I took the bus home, and went about my day. Doesn’t my prof message the whole class saying that “someone forgot their pencil case in the back row, and to come to his office to pick it up”. Well…. I guess it’s never too late to get to know a prof now….fml.

15. love to eat other people’s foods– In second year of university, I was preeing at my friend’s house with a couple of my good friends. So I drank a little too much ….. suprise suprise, but I was loving every second of it. While my other friends were getting ready in the bathroom, I decided with my friend Carly to steal some food because I wasn’t feeling so hot. While we thought we were both being super sneaky and didn’t know who’s crackers we were eating, my other friends came out and saw. All I heard was my best friend scream “what are you doing?!”. We both turned around in shock and I just spat out the crackers. Here’s a tip for you beauts. Do not try to be a sneak because you will eventually get caught, and do not eat garlic crackers before going to the bar, that is all.

16. I got written up – Within my first year of university, I was always terrified to get written up because I absolutely hated getting in trouble. So one night in my residence, I was drinking with my friends in one of their rooms. In residence you are not allowed to play drinking games or something on your floor, I don’t really know, I personally think that is dumb. But anyways, I was playing a drinking game with friends in one of their rooms, and our door was shut. We were playing the penis drinking game where you had to think of a song or a movie and throw the word penis in it. This game was literally so funny but amusing at the same time. So we were all having a grand time drinking our lives away , when little did I know our “Ra’s” (people who are in charge of the floor), were outside our room listening. Pretty much all they heard from outside was “penis this” “penis that”, and “drink bitch”!. So pretty much we all got written up for playing the drinking penis game.

17.I was scared shitless-  Within my university years, I remember in lecture probably few times where I was completely caught off guard by my prof.  I am pretty sure it was super early in the morning, because I was literally not all there yet.  I was busy writing down notes and was pretty concentrated when my prof decided to raise his voice because why?… who really knows. I jumped so friggen high in my seat that my friend literally was dying of laughing. My pen flew across my paper, and I am pretty sure the people behind me were drying of laughter. You’re welcome.

18.I love being naked- If you do not know me already there is one thing that I love doing when I am around my girl friends, and apparently that is being naked infront of them. I absolutely love dancing and lying butt naked in my best friends bed spread eagle. That’s my life.

19.I almost lost my Vagine– So a long long long time ago when I was still living at my old house, we had this awesome pool which we would swim in literally every single day.  So I was stepping into the pool, and started going down the ladder when I suddenly slipped and fell hard core onto it. Literally one leg went on either side of the ladder and I was so lucky I did not lose my vagine. Thank the lord.

20.I puked in a mansion–  So this happened quite a few years ago one summer when I went with my cousin to her friend’s mansion, literally a beautiful mansion.  I was drinking with everyone at this place and it was absolutely beautiful. I swear I have never been in a house this fancy in my life! So I of course drank a little too much like always and suddenly did not feel good. I grabbed my cousin’s hand so fast and ran to the bathroom… literally just in time.  I projectile puked all in the sink of the bathroom as well as on the floor. We quickly grabbed a hand towel that was just chillen on the counter and wiped it all up. What did we do next? Casually put it back and walked out of that bathroom so fast.  Yupp I am a dirtbag!

So I hope you beauts enjoyed reading these super embarrassing stories that I came up with over the years. I am sure there are plenty more I just can’t think of them at this exact moment. Be sure to take a few seconds to follow my page and my social media accounts!

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Thanks again, & Much love xo.

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What I would tell my 16 year old self

What I would tell my 16 year old self

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Hello my beauts! I hope your week has been treating you extremely well! I was wondering and thinking hard of what this blog post was going to be about, that’s why I am a little late posting this! I was thinking and thinking and finally came across this topic that had sparked my interest. When I look back at my 16 year old self or my years in highschool, there is so much that I would change in a heartbeat. I wish there was a letter that I could’ve read at that time by myself saying “hey do this” or “do not miss out on this opportunity” and so forth”.  But unfortunately you can not change back time, but only move forward. If I had to write a letter for my 16 year old self, I would probably start of along the lines of this:

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Dear 16 year old self,

Hey so you are in highschool, congrats you made it this far. Yeah you may have a lot of struggles through highschool but just make sure to keep your head and chin up. You are shy, we all know that, but don’t worry, you will slowly come out of your shell. I know that you are extremely uncomfortable trying new sports or joining new clubs but you know what? Just go for it! I really think that you should try to be committed to at least one sports team. You are going to feel super proud of yourself that you are apart of something that means something to you. Yeah I know you do not know too any people in your highschool, but that’s okay. You are new. You are new to this atmosphere, to this city, and to this highschool. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to fit in.  Don’t be embarrassed that your sister is your only friend right now, it takes time. It takes time for someone who is so reserved to open up. Just wait. You  will meet a great group of friends who will get to see your outgoing and bubbly side aside from your shy side. You know what I think you should do? I think in your next class try to say something like a “hello” to someone sitting beside you in class! What do you have to lose? I think by  doing this, you will slowly start to come out of your shell and meet new people. I know for a fact that the sports team you joined will help you open up. You are going to meet so many new people and I think that is best for you! I know that when you are uncomfortable you like to quit things. I want you to make a promise to me not to quit this time. Sure you may feel awkward joining that club or team but I think you are going to thank yourself in the long run. This would be a great milestone for you, and you can brag to your kids later on in life how much you enjoyed that activity or sport.

Now 16 year old self, do not let boys get in the way of your friends. Trust me, if you put your boyfriend first you are going to lose all your friends. You really need to sit down and think of who means more to you. Does your boyfriend, a guy who can come and go, mean more than your friends, who could be there for you forever? This is a really hard question to answer but I have faith in you that you are going to make the right choice. Boys come with drama, and I really do not want you to become sick over a guy. Take a mental note. If you end up getting yourself into a relationship make a check list. List the pros and cons of this guy. Does he really make you truly happy? Do you think about him constantly? Oh sorry I forgot to mention this! Does your family like him? I know you’re stubborn but if they do not like the guy chances are for good reasons. I know that you are a beautiful girl inside and out. You need to make sure you understand this! You hear me? If a guy can not see how funny, caring and sensitive you are, the he deserves to be let go. You need to realize that you deserve a guy who is not going to screw you over. You need to make sure that he brings out the best in you. Sure you may get into your arguments, and that is normal. But if he is constantly making you unhappy, then do yourself a favour and say goodbye to him.  There is no reason for you to get sick and throwup over this guy. You deserve better, and he doesn’t deserve a second chance. I know that you may think it’ll get better with this guy, but chances are it won’t. Take the high road. You owe it to yourself. Remember that.

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Sorry I know I am completely nagging you, and I can be a pain in the ass, but there are other things I want you to read about. You need to realize that there are always going to be those negative people in life who try to bring you down. Bullies do exist. I know you are probably thinking that it won’t happen to you, but just have your guards up okay?  If someone does try to mess around with you and bring you down, just know that you are better than that. I know how you are. If someone brings you down it ruins your day right? Try to just brush it off because in the long run, they are only just one person. One person who has nothing better to do then to see you miserable. I am not trying to scare you by any means at all about highschool. Enjoy it. Throw away that negative energy those people give off, and focus on your growth and development. I know you are a happy person, and people enjoy seeing you smile. You do not want to dread your highschool experience do you? I didn’t think so. I also wanted to emphasize the importance of you going to class. Try not to skip too much okay? Education is so important and even though you do not realize this at the time, you will thank yourself later on. I know you do not like doing your school work or doing those presentations, but just try your best okay? I know when you put your mind to it, you can be a really hard worker , so I am going to push you. You want those amazing marks to get into university or college right? Only 4 years then you are moving onto the next chapter within your life. Stop growing up will you? Im kidding. I know you are a good student, I am only saying what I think is best for you.

I promise I am not going to nag your ear off, I am almost done I swear! Let’s talk about you always being anxious and a worry wart. I really think that you shouldn’t brush these feelings to the side lyss! Did you talk to your mom about all this?Emphasize that this is really bugging you? I think maybe you will feel better if you figure out why you are so anxious all the time. But in the mean time, try to take some big deep breaths. I know everything is new to you. New atmosphere, new people to be around, new hometown, new school to attend and so forth. But before you start stressing about all of this, do one thing at a time. Try to think positively about life, and think of something you are grateful for each day. This will help with your mood swings and your anxiety. Hey you are alive right? I am really proud of you, did I ever tell you that? I think you need to stop being so hard on yourself about every little thing in life. I think you should just sit back, pat yourself on the back, and think about all your accomplishments in life. You have accomplished so much, yet I do not think you see that. Stop and think.   You are only on this earth for a short period of time, be someone who your kids will look up to.

Well bye for now 16 year old self! I know you will make all the right choices as I have a lot of faith in you. Be proud of who you are okay? There’s only one of you in this world.

Much love xo

Alyssa.

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