You fit in an 83% percentile category. I bet you wish that category was ones who have loving relationship and are respected as wives, mothers, and women. I wish I was lying dear girl in an abusive relationship, trust me. Sadly you were the vulnerable victim chosen to be tortured and your strength tested. Are you strong enough? This isn’t what I am asking YOU but I know you ask yourself this as soon as you wake up til when your puffy eyes close. Can you answer this? Better yet, I will help you answer that lingering question. I know you are. Remember the time when your grandpa passed on, and you were there every second for your family, or the time you started figuring out your life plan for yourself? That is called strength, and that is something you have and will always carry with you. But he makes you question your strength, and why is that? Because you’re a slut for talking to that other guy, or you’re a bitch just because? Do you honestly believe that? For one second , girl in an abusive relationship, picture me waving my magic wand over your life. Imagine him not there. Do you still think you’re that slut? I know you are probably thinking, “yes I am, I should not have even spoken to the guy”. You are your own person, you can speak to both guys and girls. You can be sociable instead of hiding in your room under those cold blankets. Wipe those tears away. I need you to find and help dig for that strength buried beneath you. I know you have it, you’re a beautiful girl nowhere near a slut, that I know. I miss you. I miss your smile and goofy laugh. Most importantly, I miss your free spirit, and outgoing personality. I remember always making each other laugh. Now I am the one trying to crack a smile from you, anything. I remember everything.
Dear girl in an abusive relationship,
Remember the time when you used to think so highly of yourself , that you didn’t need a man in your life. Remember now , how you sit there and think to yourself ,” why am I so stupid?”, or ” I don’t think I can do this on my own without him”. If you were stupid you would not have gotten to where you are today , you would not be that lovely girl hidden underneath those lies, and you have survived life without him before you met him. You can do things on your own. You went to appointments on your own, you went to school on your own, & you have your own friends. You are an independent person and you’re own person, he isn’t you. His name isn’t yours and he doesn’t have your strength, that’s the strength to not insult others, treat others with disrespect and betlittle people. You should be proud of who you are, I know I am. Even though she’s hidden, she will come out. In order for her to come out , you need to give yourself some credit. You’re not a failure for being that vulnerable victim. You’re not a failure for choosing the wrong one. And you’re not a failure for not changing your ways earlier. Today’s a new day. It’s time for YOU to shine. Today’s your day. Life is too short to stay stuck one other day in this life you did not wish upon. Life is too short to explain to your kids that daddy is not a nice man, and that you hope better for them. I know you want to show them everything in life, and to encourage their growth and development over time. You don’t need a man discouraging you, or even them for that matter. I know you would hurt inside seeing that. I know you don’t want them to go through what you did , so let’s change this. You and me together. Let’s get started on this journey one step at a time. Those endless nights where you couldn’t sleep because you started to believe the names he would call you. Those days where you couldn’t spend time with family because he was jealous and wanted you for himself. Those days are gone. This is a new chapter and guess what? It’s not too late. It’s never too late. I want you to know I am proud that you have the courage to start this journey , even though you’re unsure. I don’t know where this path will take you but I promise you it will be better than the one you were on for years now. I promise. I know there are more cons in your relationship than pros, that you are certain.
I just want to give you a few reminders before you start this journey .
1) You are strong enough to take on any battle. You are getting your life on track, you have a job , you are here.
2) This journey may cause you numerous amounts of anxiety, anxiety which may doubt your decisions. Remember why you’re here , why you started this. Face your anxiety, this is about you not him.
3) Your body is your canvas and it’s yours. You do what you want with it , but don’t let someone claim it’s theirs.
4) Your happiness is the only thing that matters. You need to put yourself before others and truly think about your needs and wants.
5) Noone in their right mind should belittle you , you’re an individual with a name not ” stupid” or ” faggot“. Remember that name on your birth certificate ? That’s you, not who he thinks you are you imagines you to be.
6) Everyone is here to support you. Often we feel alone in these circumstances, that is never the case. You are never alone . There’s always a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand around the corner and ears to listen.
7) It’s not too late to start a new life. Don’t live in the past , start fresh , you got this. When starting your new journey let go of your grudges and frustration, it’s time to let go.
8) You’re beautiful. Often we need to be reminded after someone destroys us mentally and physically that you’re beautiful on the inside and outside. For someone who offers so much to this world you deserve way more credit than that . That’s why I’m here.
9) Think positively . You got this . I know your brain is full of negative thoughts at the moment, it’s probably overwhelming . Trying to have that positive mindset will help you along this journey , more than you know .
10) F*** him. You’re better than him. You need to keep repeating this to yourself and this upbeat thoughts. You managed once without him, you can do it again.
Dear girl in an abusive relationship,
I am with you on this journey. I want you to understand that , and so are your friends and family. Make this change today , why wait another minute. Life is so short to let him waste YOUR minute . He’s not worth it . Let someone come into your life who treasures your dimples, the way you get nervous around big groups of people as he makes you feel comfortable, and the way you chuckle when you laugh. Let him take in all your flaws and treasure all your traits. Let him find you . He will trust me , he already told me he’s on his way , he will be there when you least expect it. Do you trust me? I know your trust issues are high , they have every right to be. But you can trust me when I say everything will be okay . You will be okay.