Hey there my beauts, Alyssa here with a mental health chit chat with me blogging post. As you beauts know I always share my mental health updates with you guys, I am not ashamed of having some illnesses, in fact, I share them with you guys to give you a better understanding of my life, and maybe help someone else out there who is dealing with the same thing as me. I recently have been going through a bit of a rough patch lately and it is because of some underlying issues that have risen up. I have been taking medication for my anxiety which is a normal thing for me, and have bee taking another pill which I thought was for mood swings. I stopped taking this pill for a little while, on my own terms, which was not the greatest idea and my mood and anxiety has taken a dramatic dip and fall. As you beauts may have known I have recently had a retail job that I really liked a lot. I have never worked in retail before and it was all new to me, but my coworkers and boss were wonderful to work with. I recently have only been working a few shifts when my anxiety took a turn for the worst one morning before one of my morning shift I physically could not go to work. I simply had a huge knot in my chest, my chest was also super tight and my nerves were unbearable. I was crying and crying and simply could not gather myself together. Needless to say, I called into work and stated that I simply could not do this job at the moment due to my extreme heightened anxiety. Luckily, my boss understood my situation and was there to offer me the support. I hate disappointing people and felt like I had let her down a ton, but I knew in my head I needed some help and my mental health came first. I saw the doctor that same day, explaining what had happened, and she asked if I was taking all of my medication which I was not. She explained again what my medication was for, and explained that the one I thought was just for my mood swings was for “Borderline Personality Disorder“. I was shocked. I had no idea what this meant, and I literally thought to myself, “oh great… another illness to add to my collection“. She explained to me that it was not a disease, that in fact, 25% of people have this and it is quite normal. This made my anxiety ease up and I knew I was going to be okay. My doctor informed me that you just have to work on this. I was surprised that the psychiatrist did not inform me what the pill was, but at least now I know and can educate myself a bit better on it.
She also informed me that just like my social anxiety meetings I attended every Wednesday, there were Borderline Personality Disorder meetings that I could attend and I am going to do just that. Why not better myself. I am going to be recording and blogging about the sessions for you guys, to inform you and educate you about my progress. Not only am I doing this for you guys, I am doing it so I can reflect on it myself if I need to. It helps to see how far you have come and the progress you are making. This will be later on down the road, but I will keep you beauts updated when I start the sessions and know more about them. So I know what some of you may be thinking, what the heck is Borderline Personality Disorder? It is a mental illness that centres on the inability to manage emotions effectively. The disorder occurs in the context of relationships; sometimes all relationships are affected, sometimes only one. This usually begins during early adolescence or early adulthood which would explain my situation. There are several traits of symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder that I found on the internet for you beauts, these include:
- unstable relationships
- unclear or unstable self-image
- impulsive, self-destructive behaviours
- extreme emotional swings
- chronic feelings of emptiness
- explosive anger
- fear of abandonment
- feeling supicious or out of touch with reality
Of course, people who have this illness do not need to necessarily have all of these symptoms, I personally do not. What truly fascinated me was that this disorder is rarely diagnosed on its own. Common co-occurring disorders that I have myself include an anxiety disorder and my eating disorder. So that really made a lightbulb go off when I found that out. Luckily, there are different ways that I can work on treating this illness in three steps. The first is calming the emotional storm, the second is learning to control impulsivity and tolerate distress, and lastly improve your interpersonal skills.
I am hoping that all of these are taught within my classes that I am going to be involved with so I can learn these different strategies and better myself as an individual. One of the interesting things that I had researched about this disorder is that people who have it are often indecisive, and that is me to a T, which is crazy. One thing I also found crazy was people who have this disorder often have difficulty maintaining stable jobs, which is what had happened to me with my last job. Often people who have this experience strong feelings of anxiety, worry and depression (I can highly relate to the anxiety part of all of this for sure). So even though I have this disorder, it does not define who I am as an individual, just something I need to work on an conquer. I know that nothing is impossible, there is always help out there and you are never alone, ever. There are always proper resources there to help you get through difficult times and situations. I am just happy to have found this out now so I can do something about it and move forward with my life. Even though I have an eating disorder, an anxiety disorder and borderline personality disorder, I am still Alyssa. I am still me. I am no different than someone else who isn’t suffering from a mental illness, I just have to work a bit harder than others and that is okay. I am not ashamed of who I am, I am proud of who I am as an individual and how far I have come in life. I have come this far, and I am not about to turn back now. Please feel free to reach out to your doctor, loved ones, or friends if you feel you are struggling. You are not alone. I hope you beauts enjoyed this little update and chit-chat on mental health, be sure to follow my other social media accounts located on my homepage for more blogs in the near future! Take care.