10 things I’m happy I tried and learned before I was 23

10 things I’m happy I tried and learned before I was 23

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Hello my beauties! I hope your week is going good, just been super stressed with school these days, but hey…. almost done and it’s my reading week!  I thought I would write this blog post today on “10 things I’m happy I tried and learned before I was 23”. I have been feeling really inspired lately to write posts based on my personal life or just advice that I have in general. I have been laying off the beauty posts recently because let’s face it… I am poor and can’t afford all that beauty shenanigans right now so bare with me okay?! Alright let’s jump right into it! Throughout life, everyone goes through obstacles, ones that are good and some well not so much. Usually sooner or later, we learn things the hard way but hey that’s how we learn right!?

1). Keeping friends in your life who shouldn’t be given that second chance– Throughout your life you are going to come across many different friends who will love and cherish you! Although we are constantly meeting new people each day, we don’t often sit down to think if certain ones should stay apart of your life for the long run. Over the years and from personal experience, I have become friends with certain people who I thought at the time were great. I enjoyed hanging out with them, and loved spending time with them.  I kept this certain “person” in my life for a few years, thinking everything was great and dandy. Boy was I wrong! This so called “friend” took a drastic turn and basically made my life a living hell. They probably should not have been in my life as long as they were, and thinking back now I wish I would’ve made that decision sooner before more damage was done. Luckily now I do not associate with this person, and I am happy I do not have that negative/and bad influence of energy pulling me down. Friends are supposed to love, cherish and support you no matter what. They should never bully you, turn against you, and make each day a negative one! Although this was an awful experience to go through, it now makes me more aware of what kind of friends I want within my life.

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2) Going through that rough heartbreak– Let’s face it, we have all been there and done that within our lives. Is it a nice feeling? Hell absolutely not! But it happens and we can only learn from it! Over the years of my life I have gone through multiple heart breaks and breakups, some more bearable than others. Although I hated going through these at the time, I am then again happy that I went through them. I am now getting better and holding myself together, moving on, and developing coping strategies to  get myself up on my own two feet. During my first break up, I was so devastated that I really did not know what to do. After experiencing more over the years, I am now a stronger girl who can hold it together okay. I now know exactly what I want in a relationship and what I will not settle for.

3) Finally landing a job in a child-related work place– When that initial add popped up for the Day Care position I was extremely hesitant. I was thinking in my head ” this is completely different than the other jobs I have had in the past”. Sure I absolutely love children, and I am in a Child and Youth Program at my school, but I have only really worked within the fast food industry. Looking back to that really scary interview day, I am super proud of myself for taking the time to apply. Was it an easy interview? No. Was I calm and relaxed? Absolutely not. Was I completely out of my comfort zone? YES. Am I proud that I went in to talk to two individuals for 30 minutes of my day? 100%. I accomplished getting through a fancy interview. I accomplished working in a day care where the supervisor had given me a heads up it wasn’t an easy day care to work at. I got to gather that experience working with children one on one, and I wouldn’t take that back for a second.

4) I failed one of my University exams– So in my first year of university, I really did not know how the course load was going to be. I was completely awakened by how much work you needed to do in order to keep your grades up. When my first set of exams came, I sat in that huge room with all those chairs and felt my heart sink out of my bum. I could not believe how intense the room was to write these exams! After receiving my exam and beginning it, I knew right away I was completely screwed.  I hardly knew any of the answers and just sat there. You know when you try to bull shit answers and think to yourself ” okay you got this, that sounds good”? Yeah well I tried to do that, but ended up failing so bad. After receiving the lowest mark I ever got on an exam, this gave me an extreme wake up call. In a sense I am glad I got to experience that because now I know that I had to work harder if I wanted to stay within this atmosphere. I certainly picked up my act let’s just say!

5) I got black out drunk– So really not too long ago when I come to think of it, I had drank a little too much let’s just say. I never really thought that I would ever get black out drunk but yes it did eventually happen.  In a sense I am glad I got to experience this before the age of 23 because it certainly is not a nice experience to encounter!  After these situations did happen I made some poor choices towards my boyfriend which ended up in arguments, and felt like complete crap the next day! Will I be drinking that much again? Absolutely not. These days I make sure I am better control of my drinks, so I don’t end up in bad situations.

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6) I took the time to figure out who I was– Over the years, especially within high school, I literally had no idea who I was. I struggled for the longest time to fit in, and just wanted to be included. I did not know what my hobbies were, or who my true friends were during that time. Over my university years, I have gathered a better understanding of who I am as an individual, tried new things such as blogging, made some new friends who are extremely valuable in my life, and took the time to figure out what I love about myself.

7) I trusted myself and my gut instinct– So about two years ago, I went through an extremely bad breakup with my ex. I kept thinking that things would get better, and that he deserved a second chance. I finally woke up one day  to realize and question to myself ” what are you doing, you are not even happy!?”.  I knew deep in my heart that I could not see a future with this guy whatsoever. I followed my gut feeling and ended everything. After another year had passed I had been talking to one of my good guy friends for quite some time. I knew for a fact that I was physically attracted to the guy, and I loved his personality. I basically kept him in the friend zone for quite some time, scared to commit to him. After talking to friends and family for quite some time about this whole situation, I came to my senses to give this guy a chance. Sure I completely felt scared that I would get hurt again, or that I would find the wrong person, but I decided to date him.  After a year now I can proudly say this was the best decision of my life, and to never second guess your gut instincts.

8)I faced my demons– So within my second year of university I was faced with a bunch of pills on my bed, contemplating my life. I grew tired over the years of struggling with my anxiety, and did not know how to properly treat it. During these times I did not know I was diagnosed with general anxiety, so I would often think something was wrong with me, or I was often jealous of how other people got off easier than I did. I faced my anxiety one on one through multiple therapy sessions, a hospital visit, and medication I take now on a daily basis. Instead of pushing this mental illness to the side, I am facing it one on one, and I know that I am stronger than him.

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9) I pushed myself out of my comfort zone– There were two occasions where I can remember clear as day how I was pushed out of my comfort zone. At the time I absolutely hated it no doubt about it. When I look back at it, I am glad certain people helped push me and I am proud that I pushed myself. Within highschool, there was this specific teacher that I had who liked to push me. He loved to get his students’ opinions on certain things, but somehow always managed to call on me, even though my hand was never raised. I was that type of student, and still am today, where I like to sit at the back and just listen, you will never see my hand raised. The first time he called on me, I could feel the sweat start to drip down my back, because I hated having that much attention on myself. I of course, stated what I wrote down for the questions he was asking, and read out my answers. The second day I did not raise my hand, and just was waiting for other students to talk. Of course what happened again? He called on me to answer. So again, I stated my answer, and they were actually decent answers, I just hated speaking out loud.  After class finished that day I thought to myself, “what is more embarrassing? Being called on without your hand being raised, or knowing the answer and offering to state it?”. I thought long and hard about this question and came to the conclusion that I was going to start raising my hand for that class. I secretly think my teacher knew that I had good answers, and knew that I could push myself. I am really thankful that he did that to me. Another incident happened in University when I was entitled to do a debate in my seminar against another student. First of all, let me just start off by saying I absolutely hate doing debates. I am that type of girl who needs everything written down, and I am not really good at coming up with certain things on the spot. Ever. I had an overwhelming amount of anxiety for this presentation, and I knew it accounted for a lot of my grade. So I decided to work hard on it. I wanted to be fully prepared for my presentation and rehearsed it numerous of times. When it came time for my presentation I thought to myself that morning ” Are you going to let your anxiety get the best of you? I think not! You worked your ass off for this presentation, so finish it was a bang, you got this”. I am so proud that I tried my absolute best for my nerves not to get the best of me. I am so happy the presentation is done and over with, but I can say I did it.

10) I learned to let go of my past– Of course, everyone has something in their past that may bother them, or it may be hard to let go. I finally have started learning how to let things in my past brush aside, and move past me. When it came to relationships I could never let things go such as “assuming every guy treated you the same way” or ” something a guy did that hurt you tremendously”. I held onto this like a weight on my shoulders, and always carried that “what-if” aspect. What I have learned is that in order to live a happy life, you need to let things go no matter how painful they may be. Trust me, there are certain times where I just want to punch a person out because I am so mad at what they did to me, but what would that solve? Are they worth keeping in your life? Is it better to try to work things out? These are the questions you need to ask yourself.  I have learned that every guy is different, you just need to let go of the past relationships, and focus on the new one you are entering. This is a fresh start, go into it with an open mind.

Well I hope you guys enjoyed my blog post for this week, be sure to follow my page for new ones every week! Thanks for reading my beauts!

Much love xo.

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How I cope with anxiety- my personal story and coping methods

How I cope with anxiety- my personal story and coping methods

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It’s that “A” letter word that a lot of people dread, 7 letters, yet it can literally take over your life. Anxiety.What is anxiety? Anxiety is a feeling of worry and it can come in many different shapes or forms. A lot of people feel uneasy or get nervous about many different things. This is never an easy topic to talk about and discuss, since a lot of people like to brush it off or cope with it differently. Whether it’s feeling uneasy about a job, a presentation, boys, relationships, school such as college or university, you name it. I am not embarrassed or ashamed to admit that I have had anxiety since grade 6. Let’s jump a little bit back into my personal life shall we?

In grade 6, I did not really know what anxiety was nor did I know I had it. I went through different phases throughout that year such as: the no lying phase (silly I know, but I couldn’t tell a single lie without feeling extremely guilty), the hearing voices stage (I would hear negative thoughts going on inside my head) and lastly the worry stage (I would constantly worry that I would get into trouble at school). These 3 stages started to slowly take over my daily life to the point where I thought something was wrong with me. Was I possessed because I was hearing strange voices in my head? Great… I am turning into the Exorcist. Were all the other kids worrying so much about school like I was? Questions were constantly running through my head, and I wanted them answered. I eventually informed my mom about the whole ordeal and my parents them took me to go see a psychiatrist. At first, I was nervous, scared and anxious to see this doctor because weren’t they for crazy people? This is where I want to make it very clear that actually a lot of people go and see these specialists..it’s natural, normal and it’s okay.  I wish someone would have erased this image that I had towards these doctors earlier. If it helps, they have probably heard a lot more nuttier stories than what you are about to tell them, so do not feel judged.  This is another image that I had drilled into my head, “what are they going to think of me?”. For starters,  this is their job, they are well educated within this field and have heard a lot of stories, so trust me… You are not losing it. The psychiatrist wanted to right away put me on anti-depressants. Of course, my parents rejected this, as I was only in grade 6 and no coping methods were offered to me except medication.

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Eventually the 3 phases began to slowly disappear and ease up until I was into my  early years of university. Meeting new people (especially if you are shy), not knowing anyone, dealing with a breakup and entering a new atmosphere is enough to slowly start to put someone over the edge. Little things such as presentations were enough to make me feel sick to my stomach the night before. What if I mess up? Oh my goodness, I know that girl over there…she’s going to judge me. What if I choke up on my words? These were constant questions that would keep me up the night before a presentation, preventing me from getting a goodnight’s rest. Let’s not even begin to discuss the actual presentation date. I would feel my palms getting sweaty, my nerves kicking in, my throat getting dry and my stomach turning. I remember clear as day telling my best friend, “I am thinking about switching my program because I don’t think I can do this one presentation”. That was an awful feeling. Already mastering one year of university and now wanting to back out over a silly presentation? This was when it hit me. I NEEDED to go and see a psychiatrist again because I couldn’t live with constant anxiety each day. The psychiatrist began to ask me multiple questions such as, “What is your first memory you remember with your dad?”. I was thrown off-guard. Seriously?! I don’t even remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday and you want me to remember that?! She continued to ask me random questions which I didn’t see the point of. Little did I know she was trying to see if I had a good childhood growing up and if I was struggling with depression or anxiety. For anyone who is struggling with anxiety, it can be extremely hard to figure out yourself if you have some sort of depression because we do have our ups and downs. Our ups may range from having a really good day and smiling to wanting to be alone in your room and cry.

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I was later informed that I had a general form of anxiety and  was taught different coping techniques/methods to help deal with the “A” word. I found that the methods did work, but they were not working fast enough for me since I was constantly surrounded by stress from university.  This was when I was prescribed a pill for anxiety. Since my Serotonin levels  or “happy levels” were low in my brain, I  needed the extra boost to get them back up. A lot of people have negative views towards individuals who take the medication thinking it’s “the easy way out”. Newsflash… there is no “easy way out” when you are struggling with anxiety. Even when you are taking the medication, you still worry a bit, the medication doesn’t just magically make anxiety disappear. There is nothing wrong with taking medication for this mental illness that a lot of people around the world struggle with. I would rather see a person get the extra help they need then to get to the point where they do not want to be here anymore. Easy as that.

From dealing with anxiety on a daily basis, I have heard a lot of statements from people I know such as, “don’t worry, be happy”( thanks Bob Marley, I would if I could),”quit being sad”, ” what’s there to worry about anyways?”, and the list goes on. A person who struggles with anxiety can not simply turn it on and off. A lot of people do not understand the severity of anxiety which reminds me of the statement, “they don’t know you broke your leg until the cast is on”. Some individuals hide their forms of anxiety better than others, while others (like myself) have  a hard time hiding it. If you know someone who has this mental illness, try to educate yourselves a little more. Look up different ways to approach them without setting them off. By no means am I saying to “walk on eggshells”, but just be a bit more cautious on how you say different things.

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Now that you know a bit more about my personal life and my anxiety background, I am going to provide you with tips and methods to help cope. All of these methods have helped me over the years, and I strongly recommend trying them out for yourself if you are having a difficult time.

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  1. Herbal Tea. It’s the night before a huge presentation and you can’t seem to calm your body down, so what do you do? If I am very anxious about an event the next day, I love to make a “relaxation tea or a sleep time tea”, is what I like to call it. You can purchase this item at any grocery store in the tea section, and there are many different kinds of it. The tea that I am in love with is by Tetley and it’s called, “Dream”. When you are looking for a herbal tea, you want to keep in mind one of the major ingredients which is Camomile. This helps to relax the body and the mind as well as place you in a calmer state. Herbal teas are extremely beneficial and even inexpensive. I purchase dream tea for under $5.00 and simply sip a cup before bedtime. I do not add any sugar or milk to it, I just drink it as is.
  2. Listen to relaxing music. Since our minds tend to over think at nighttime, our anxiety can sometimes get the best of us.  One technique that I love doing while I am laying in bed is listening to “rain sounds”on my laptop or iphone. The sound of rain is extremely relaxing, and before you know it, you are sound asleep. This technique is super easy and I do this all the time if I know I can’t settle down.
  3. Answer your “what if’s”. Being an individual who struggles with anxiety, I am constantly bombarded with “what if’s” in my head. Simple things such as: “what if I choke up on my words through this presentation”, “what if that girl over there is judging me”,and so on. My therapist taught me this simple yet effective technique to help cope with this questions… answer them. Grab a pen and paper and write down everything you are currently anxious about. Beside your “what if” try to answer it as best you can. For example: “What if I choke up on a part of my presentation?”. Answer: “Everyone makes mistakes, if you didn’t you wouldn’t be human. You practiced the night before, you have put a lot of effort into this, and you are just going to try your best. That is all you can do”. This simple strategy helps individuals to realize that certain things are out of your control, and it’s okay that you are not perfect.
  4. Take 10 deep breaths. If you can feel yourself slowly starting to have a panic attack or you anxiety is kicking in, take a second to take some deep breaths. Often our breathing starts to race and quicken when we are anxious or nervous about something. Taking deep breaths helps to slow down your breathing and make you relax more.
  5. Bach’s rescue remedy spray.  This simple spray is extremely effective when calming down your nerves 30 minutes prior to the nervous or hectic situation. When I first heard about this spray I was doubtful and did not believe that a spray could calm you down. I tried using this spray before a huge presentation that I had to do myself and was shocked at how effective it worked. Of course I was still a bit nervous (it’s good to be nervous a bit) but I wasn’t as nervous as how I usually would be. I was completely fine, and managed to score a 90 on the presentation speaking in front of people, which is my weakness. I continue to use this spray before going into work or any other situation I am nervous going into. This is an all natural supplement, and you can purchase it at any local grocery store for  around $20.00.  You simply spray two sprays at the back of your mouth. Be aware, it does not taste the greatest but it works like a charm! If you have tried this product and are not very fond of the taste, you can also try “Bach’ Rescue Pastilles”, which looks like little gummies that you can swallow.  You can purchase this at your local grocery store as well and it is around $10.00.
  6. Don’t let anxiety win.  A lot of people who struggle with anxiety often feel that they are defeated and weak. Just because we have anxiety does not mean we have to let it win and define who we are. Often people do not help themselves out when they are struggling, but in order to move on with life, you need to fight it. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. If you are afraid of speaking to people, try making little goals for yourself each day like saying hi to at least one person. I talked about this technique in one of my other blog posts earlier on but it is very effective. If you push yourself out of your comfort zone and embarrass yourself, then what is there to be embarrassed about later on?
  7. Exercise.  When I know I am getting into a funk or am really nervous about something I set time aside to complete a work out. Distracting your mind and releasing endorphins will help you relax and feel good about yourself. Even a quick 10 minute workout is enough to ease the mind from racing a hundred miles a minute.
  8. Have a strong support group.  Having a good group of friends and family members by your side to help you along the way is always beneficial. Having your closest support group there for you and well informed about anxiety will help you along the way, and give you reassurance that there are always people there for you. Luckily for me I have friends and family members who are already well aware of what anxiety is and some even struggle with it as well. Do not keep everything bottled up inside you. If you continue to do this chances are you are going to lose it eventually. Talking to your support group or even a close friend may help to ease your anxiety and help you feel more relaxed.
  9. Write in a journal or diary.  While going through my rough patch I was recommended by my therapist to keep a journal near by and write how my day was. I was instructed to write down with all honestly how my mood was that specific day and what I ate and did as well. This helps you become more aware of your thoughts,mood, and activities that you do each day.  When you are having a really good day, you can look back on one of your bad days and reassure yourself that you don’t want to feel like that again. Of course we can not control how we are feeling certain days, but it helps document any progress that you are making.
  10. Try to think of a few positives for every stressful or nervous situation. This can be extremely difficult if you are constantly on edge. Coming up with a few positives for each negative situation will help you slowly develop a more open mind and optimistic outlook. This method has helped me a lot over the years and I constantly use this technique everyday. A few examples could be: You are scared to do a speech infront of a group of people. Positives: the speech is only 5 minutes out of your day and life and you hardly know any of these people. Do you really think they are going to matter 5, 10, 20 years from now? No. This outlook helps to ease up the nerves and can be brought into any nervous or hectic situation.

I hope this heart to heart blog has helped some individuals who are currently struggling with anxiety. If you have any questions on today’s blog feel free to comment below. I know that it is a constant battle each day but you can not let it win and take over your life. “You cannot move onto great things if someone else is writing your script”

Much love xo.

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5 Things I wish I would’ve known earlier

I thought I would change things up a bit my beauty bloggers! This blog post for today isn’t necessarily about beauty, but I thought it was a rather important piece of information that would make a good read. Do you ever sit there and think to yourself, wow…. I wish I would’ve known that piece of advice or information way earlier in life, then I would’e thought differently about it? I have come up with 5 pieces of important advice that I have learnt over the years through experience, but I had wish I had known these earlier.

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  1. It takes going through a few assholes to find “the one’.

Relationships can be extremely painful at times, sometimes even unbearable if you find yourself in an unhealthy one. I have had my fair share of dating so called “assholes”, and guys whose main priority is themselves. I have felt stuck.. but if I wanted to, I could’ve left at any point, I just chose not to. When I look back at some of my past relationships I often feel angry, sad,and disappointed in myself that I would even open up to these people in the first place. Do I regret dating any of them? No I do not , as they have helped built a stronger person out of me. The good thing about going through a bunch of assholes is that now I know exactly what I want in a guy. I want someone who is sensitive, caring, loves family, humorous, a happy camper, and someone who brings out the best in me. If I would’ve known earlier that it takes a few assholes to find “the one”, I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself through every breakup. I have always thought to myself, “what is wrong with me?”, “Why are assholes drawn to me?”. “Am I going to be alone forever”, and “why me?”. I am sure these are some thoughts that everyone can relate to while dealing and coping with a bad breakup or relationship. One of the key words that I have learnt over the years while going in and out of relationships is “patience”, Be patient when trying to find the right guy for yourself. You can’t find your prince charming just like that. From experience, I can proudly say that after going through my fair share of awful boyfriends and bad relationships, I have now found my prince charming. It took a few bad ones to finally pinpoint exactly what I was looking for.

2) Learning to accept your flaws will help create a healthier you.

Everyone has flaws that  they struggle with on a daily basis. The truth is some people hate their flaws so much, that it starts to impact their daily life activities, and their lifestyles. Whether it be body parts, personality traits, how someone acts or the choices they make, everyone has a flaw. I could write a whole list of certain flaws in my life that I have struggled with for over the years, often feeling ashamed of myself. Instead of dwelling on your flaws, try teaching yourself to learn to accept them. Even creating a more positive mindset and outlook on life can help you create a more happier lifestyle. One of my biggest flaws that I have struggled with is my shyness. When I look at other people who are so outgoing , I wonder how one can be like that. I would give anything to be an outgoing individual, but that’s just not me, and that’s what I have learned to accept, Even though I am quiet, I still have bright ideas to offer, I care a lot about other people, I have made it into my fourth year of university, and I have done over 20 presentations.  I have created a more positive outlook towards my flaws, realizing that if I cannot change them, I can try to cope or minimize them. Each day, I try to push out of my comfort zone… and since I am a shy girl that is not something that is easy for me to do. Little things such as forcing myself to say “hi, how are you doing?” or “hi how was your weekend?”, pushes me to open up to more people who I am not the closest to. A prime example of this could happen within my work atmosphere. Since we have a lot of staff members who work within my daycare, I try to at least say hi to everyone I pass in the hallway or at least one person. I have found that this is slowly helping me overcome a great deal of my shyness. Will I go infront of 100 people and say a 40 minute speech? Probably not. But am I working on overcoming a lot of my shyness towards people? Yes. You should not be ashamed of your flaws. Even though I am not the most outgoing person in the world, I love being my quiet self.

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3) Loosen up… don’t sweat the little things.

Boy am I one to talk but I cannot emphasize how true this is. When I look back in the earlier years, I feel that a majority of it was spent being too “stiff”, worrying too much and stressing over the little things in life way too much. Life should be enjoyable and not spent worrying about every little thing in life. If you get in trouble at school for once… who cares? maybe it will make a good story later on to tell your kids that you can laugh about. Learn to brush things off or you will eventually make yourself sick. If you encounter a super embarrassing moment in your life, try to laugh it off.  Don’t let that embarrassing moment bring your day down!

4) It’s not all about the looks.

The media has distributed a world wide image on how the “perfect” female should look like. This person needs to be super skinny, have big boobs, have a nice bum, tanned skin, blonde hair, and a bubbly personality.In reality, nobody can look that perfect and be considered “real”. It just doesn’t work that way. Ever since being introduced into the instagram world, I have always cared so much about my physical appearance. In order for a guy to recognize you, I thought it was all about how you looked! I thought it was all about having your boobs pushed up, wearing tight clothes, and having a flirty personality, but that slowly began to attract the wrong group of people. Since I was so concerned about my looks, I was starting to attract the guys who only wanted “bootycalls”, or guys who were super shallow. I was so tired of trying to keep up with society that I had finally realized, I am never actually going to reach society’s standards of “the perfect image”. Pretty sure my stretch marks on my legs, my beauty mark on me left arm, and my freckley nose does not make the cut.  The truth is, people don’t just look at your physical appearance, they look at the whole “you”. If you are looking for a nice, genuine guy, they will like you for the whole package you are offering for them to get to know, not just your appearance. Love your body just how it is, after all… there’s only one of you in this world!

5) Things do get better.

Everyone has hit rock bottom before or close to it after going through a hard time. When you are at a young age, everything seems like it’s the end of the world. Whether it be failing a test, going through a rough breakup, losing a loved one, flunking a university exam, or getting fired, this may cause a severe amount of stress. Sometimes the stress may seem unbearable to the point where you just don’t know if you can get through it. Trust me, I have been there, and gone through my fair share of highs and lows. But one thing I cannot stress enough is that things do get better. Even if somethings seem like it’s the end of the world in your eyes, someone else has it way worse than you. Take a step back, count to 10, and take 3 deep breaths. Everything is going to be okay.