How to get over/cope with a bad breakup

How  to get over/cope with a bad breakup

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Hello my beauts, hope you are having a wonderful day! I was debating what to write about next for my blog post and decided to do a more life related post as opposed to makeup tutorials/advice. I have actually wanted to do this post for a while, so I thought well.. why not now?! Everyone goes through a bad breakup once in their life, whether it’s in their early years or now. Some people have not even gone through a really bad breakup yet, but I thought that I would provide tips and tricks on how to get your ex out of the picture for good. Going through a bad breakup can be so damaging , that you often do not want to even go out and see the world. Staying in your room, looking out the window and being a hermit is what appeals best to you at that time… am I right? I have been there where it literally feels like the end of the world, believe me. What I wish that I had known earlier was different tricks on how to overcome a damaging breakup, and get over that ex fast.  I have come up with different tips on how I personally overcame ex boyfriends.

1). Delete him off everything. Yes, you heard me. You need him gone, and off of absolutely everything you can think of. Being girls, we often like to stalk and lurk our ex to make sure he  hasn’t moved on yet. Yes, we all have done it, don’t deny it. By doing this, you are just hurting yourself! Why make yourself sick by doing this when in the long run, he is going to move on… it’s human nature. Just think, you are eventually going to move on as well when the time comes. By deleting him off all social media sites such as Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and blocking his number in general, you don’t have to come across anything you do not want to see .You simply are one step closer to taking him out of your life for good and that’s what you want. Often unwanted pictures will come up on Instagram with girls flirting and all that, which you do not want to see. By seeing this, it completely ruins your day and makes you want to isolate yourself. Personally while going through breakups, I complete this step in the process and it has helped me so much. Not only do I not get to see what goes on in his life anymore, but you don’t have to worry about being bothered by unwanted information.

2). Write a list of pros and cons about that specific breakup. This is a very important step to do as it lets you see what exactly was healthy and unhealthy in that specific breakup. Often we are blinded and do not really see how much that individual has hurt you in your relationship and how overall.. it was never healthy. Our friends may tell us specifically a hundred times that you are involved in an unhealthy relationship but we never actually want to believe it. Writing things down for yourself and seeing first hand all the pros and cons will make you feel better about your decision overall. While completing this process, I have noticed first hand how many cons were actually in my relationships as opposed to pros. It really makes you think.

3). Talk to someone. It always is better when going through and coping with a breakup to let your feelings out. Having all your feelings bottled up through this process is an awful feeling to go through, so having someone there to talk to always helps out. Even if you talk to a friend, a family member, or just anyone willing to listen will help out a bunch. Tell them everything that is on your mind, or any feelings that you are currently feeling. They then can offer you really good advice and maybe express their views on the whole situation.

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4). Keep busy. Often when you are going through a breakup you do not want to do anything and you just want to isolate yourself from the world. Trust me… I have been there and done that. This often makes you feel even more crappy and depressed. You need to make sure you are keeping busy as much as you can! Whether it be drawing, going on walks, going to the gym, going out with friends or just watching movies. Doing things at all times helps you not become so depressed and isolated with the world. This gives you something to do and keeps your mind off of everything that has been going on which has been bringing you down.

5). Keep a journal. It always helps to write things out so that you can keep track of all your emotions that you are experiencing. I found that keeping a journal and writing down how my day went helped me cope better. Often if I am having a really good day I write that down and what I did for it to go so well. I then look back on my not so good days and think to myself “I do not want to feel like that again“.

6).Taking care of your mind and body. Often us girls tend to think “he broke up with me because I wasn’t skinny enough, or I don’t look good enough”. You can’t start thinking such negative thoughts about yourself if you want to move on and enjoy your life. Obviously it is his loss that he does not get to have you involved in his life anymore, and there is nothing that you did wrong appearance wise. Thinking positively and having a more positive outlook on yourself will help you get through this process, and you won’t feel so depressed. Do not go on any diets to improve how you look or change things about yourself. By doing this you are letting him win. Try to still hold your head high and think positive thoughts only. Reassure yourself that “you are better than that“, or “you can do better“. Saying these quotes in the mirror to yourself will help build your confidence and self-worth. Overall within the relationship you broke up because somebody was not happy and it wasn’t working.  Try saying different positive quotes each day to yourself.

7). Hang up inspirational/motivational sayings or quotes. This step ties into number 6 but I strongly believe using this technique. While going through one of my hard and rough breakups, I taped around my room different saying that were positive and upbeat. I simply looked on Pinterest different sayings and printed them out. Some of these sayings may include “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think,and loved more than you’ll ever know“, or “Start each day with a grateful heart“, and even “Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day“. Sayings and quotes like these help brighten your room, and make it full of positive energy as opposed to negative. These have really helped me, and they help you wake up from your sleep in a better and more upbeat mood when you notice them around your room.

left_me_with_a_broken_heart_by_lababyrocking92-d31jd0f8). Do things in life that YOU love. Often in unhealthy relationships you forget who you are as an individual and person.You sometimes forget what you love doing, so why not do those things now? You are your own person, and there is only one of you in this world. Make a list of different things that you want to start doing or completing.  This in turn, will help you stay busy and will keep you determined to do things. Even trying new things in your life will make you feel more satisfied and accomplished. These feelings will help you over come all those negative emotions that are running through your head. Doing a bunch of things or activities that you love doing will make you feel proud of yourself.

9). Take a day to dwell. When you are going through a breakup it is okay to take a day and cry it out. Sometimes when we are trying to overcome a serious breakup we try to act tough, which in turn could just be hurting yourself even more. It’s okay to set aside an hour on a specific day to let out how you are feeling. Tell yourself “after that hour has passed, I am going to be okay”.  Often by picking a specific time during that day to dwell and let it all out, will help you become motivated to be more positive when that time is up.Nobody is perfect, and it is okay to cry.

10). Try the dating scene again. Of course do not rush into this step if you are not ready. After a rough breakup often girls feel like they are “alone” or “no one else will want to be with them”. This is never the case. There is always someone out there for each person, it’s just the matter of being patient and finding them. If one relationship does not work out, try out another one. Write a list of what did not appeal to you about your last relationship and that specific person. When you are ready to jump into the dating world again, go for somebody different.  Do not feel like you can never date again!

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Thank you for reading my blog beauties! If you have any comments or questions feel free to comment down below! Comment below what tips and tricks work best for you when going through those hard times! Please feel free to like and follow my blog!

Much love xo.

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How I cope with anxiety- my personal story and coping methods

How I cope with anxiety- my personal story and coping methods

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It’s that “A” letter word that a lot of people dread, 7 letters, yet it can literally take over your life. Anxiety.What is anxiety? Anxiety is a feeling of worry and it can come in many different shapes or forms. A lot of people feel uneasy or get nervous about many different things. This is never an easy topic to talk about and discuss, since a lot of people like to brush it off or cope with it differently. Whether it’s feeling uneasy about a job, a presentation, boys, relationships, school such as college or university, you name it. I am not embarrassed or ashamed to admit that I have had anxiety since grade 6. Let’s jump a little bit back into my personal life shall we?

In grade 6, I did not really know what anxiety was nor did I know I had it. I went through different phases throughout that year such as: the no lying phase (silly I know, but I couldn’t tell a single lie without feeling extremely guilty), the hearing voices stage (I would hear negative thoughts going on inside my head) and lastly the worry stage (I would constantly worry that I would get into trouble at school). These 3 stages started to slowly take over my daily life to the point where I thought something was wrong with me. Was I possessed because I was hearing strange voices in my head? Great… I am turning into the Exorcist. Were all the other kids worrying so much about school like I was? Questions were constantly running through my head, and I wanted them answered. I eventually informed my mom about the whole ordeal and my parents them took me to go see a psychiatrist. At first, I was nervous, scared and anxious to see this doctor because weren’t they for crazy people? This is where I want to make it very clear that actually a lot of people go and see these specialists..it’s natural, normal and it’s okay.  I wish someone would have erased this image that I had towards these doctors earlier. If it helps, they have probably heard a lot more nuttier stories than what you are about to tell them, so do not feel judged.  This is another image that I had drilled into my head, “what are they going to think of me?”. For starters,  this is their job, they are well educated within this field and have heard a lot of stories, so trust me… You are not losing it. The psychiatrist wanted to right away put me on anti-depressants. Of course, my parents rejected this, as I was only in grade 6 and no coping methods were offered to me except medication.

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Eventually the 3 phases began to slowly disappear and ease up until I was into my  early years of university. Meeting new people (especially if you are shy), not knowing anyone, dealing with a breakup and entering a new atmosphere is enough to slowly start to put someone over the edge. Little things such as presentations were enough to make me feel sick to my stomach the night before. What if I mess up? Oh my goodness, I know that girl over there…she’s going to judge me. What if I choke up on my words? These were constant questions that would keep me up the night before a presentation, preventing me from getting a goodnight’s rest. Let’s not even begin to discuss the actual presentation date. I would feel my palms getting sweaty, my nerves kicking in, my throat getting dry and my stomach turning. I remember clear as day telling my best friend, “I am thinking about switching my program because I don’t think I can do this one presentation”. That was an awful feeling. Already mastering one year of university and now wanting to back out over a silly presentation? This was when it hit me. I NEEDED to go and see a psychiatrist again because I couldn’t live with constant anxiety each day. The psychiatrist began to ask me multiple questions such as, “What is your first memory you remember with your dad?”. I was thrown off-guard. Seriously?! I don’t even remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday and you want me to remember that?! She continued to ask me random questions which I didn’t see the point of. Little did I know she was trying to see if I had a good childhood growing up and if I was struggling with depression or anxiety. For anyone who is struggling with anxiety, it can be extremely hard to figure out yourself if you have some sort of depression because we do have our ups and downs. Our ups may range from having a really good day and smiling to wanting to be alone in your room and cry.

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I was later informed that I had a general form of anxiety and  was taught different coping techniques/methods to help deal with the “A” word. I found that the methods did work, but they were not working fast enough for me since I was constantly surrounded by stress from university.  This was when I was prescribed a pill for anxiety. Since my Serotonin levels  or “happy levels” were low in my brain, I  needed the extra boost to get them back up. A lot of people have negative views towards individuals who take the medication thinking it’s “the easy way out”. Newsflash… there is no “easy way out” when you are struggling with anxiety. Even when you are taking the medication, you still worry a bit, the medication doesn’t just magically make anxiety disappear. There is nothing wrong with taking medication for this mental illness that a lot of people around the world struggle with. I would rather see a person get the extra help they need then to get to the point where they do not want to be here anymore. Easy as that.

From dealing with anxiety on a daily basis, I have heard a lot of statements from people I know such as, “don’t worry, be happy”( thanks Bob Marley, I would if I could),”quit being sad”, ” what’s there to worry about anyways?”, and the list goes on. A person who struggles with anxiety can not simply turn it on and off. A lot of people do not understand the severity of anxiety which reminds me of the statement, “they don’t know you broke your leg until the cast is on”. Some individuals hide their forms of anxiety better than others, while others (like myself) have  a hard time hiding it. If you know someone who has this mental illness, try to educate yourselves a little more. Look up different ways to approach them without setting them off. By no means am I saying to “walk on eggshells”, but just be a bit more cautious on how you say different things.

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Now that you know a bit more about my personal life and my anxiety background, I am going to provide you with tips and methods to help cope. All of these methods have helped me over the years, and I strongly recommend trying them out for yourself if you are having a difficult time.

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  1. Herbal Tea. It’s the night before a huge presentation and you can’t seem to calm your body down, so what do you do? If I am very anxious about an event the next day, I love to make a “relaxation tea or a sleep time tea”, is what I like to call it. You can purchase this item at any grocery store in the tea section, and there are many different kinds of it. The tea that I am in love with is by Tetley and it’s called, “Dream”. When you are looking for a herbal tea, you want to keep in mind one of the major ingredients which is Camomile. This helps to relax the body and the mind as well as place you in a calmer state. Herbal teas are extremely beneficial and even inexpensive. I purchase dream tea for under $5.00 and simply sip a cup before bedtime. I do not add any sugar or milk to it, I just drink it as is.
  2. Listen to relaxing music. Since our minds tend to over think at nighttime, our anxiety can sometimes get the best of us.  One technique that I love doing while I am laying in bed is listening to “rain sounds”on my laptop or iphone. The sound of rain is extremely relaxing, and before you know it, you are sound asleep. This technique is super easy and I do this all the time if I know I can’t settle down.
  3. Answer your “what if’s”. Being an individual who struggles with anxiety, I am constantly bombarded with “what if’s” in my head. Simple things such as: “what if I choke up on my words through this presentation”, “what if that girl over there is judging me”,and so on. My therapist taught me this simple yet effective technique to help cope with this questions… answer them. Grab a pen and paper and write down everything you are currently anxious about. Beside your “what if” try to answer it as best you can. For example: “What if I choke up on a part of my presentation?”. Answer: “Everyone makes mistakes, if you didn’t you wouldn’t be human. You practiced the night before, you have put a lot of effort into this, and you are just going to try your best. That is all you can do”. This simple strategy helps individuals to realize that certain things are out of your control, and it’s okay that you are not perfect.
  4. Take 10 deep breaths. If you can feel yourself slowly starting to have a panic attack or you anxiety is kicking in, take a second to take some deep breaths. Often our breathing starts to race and quicken when we are anxious or nervous about something. Taking deep breaths helps to slow down your breathing and make you relax more.
  5. Bach’s rescue remedy spray.  This simple spray is extremely effective when calming down your nerves 30 minutes prior to the nervous or hectic situation. When I first heard about this spray I was doubtful and did not believe that a spray could calm you down. I tried using this spray before a huge presentation that I had to do myself and was shocked at how effective it worked. Of course I was still a bit nervous (it’s good to be nervous a bit) but I wasn’t as nervous as how I usually would be. I was completely fine, and managed to score a 90 on the presentation speaking in front of people, which is my weakness. I continue to use this spray before going into work or any other situation I am nervous going into. This is an all natural supplement, and you can purchase it at any local grocery store for  around $20.00.  You simply spray two sprays at the back of your mouth. Be aware, it does not taste the greatest but it works like a charm! If you have tried this product and are not very fond of the taste, you can also try “Bach’ Rescue Pastilles”, which looks like little gummies that you can swallow.  You can purchase this at your local grocery store as well and it is around $10.00.
  6. Don’t let anxiety win.  A lot of people who struggle with anxiety often feel that they are defeated and weak. Just because we have anxiety does not mean we have to let it win and define who we are. Often people do not help themselves out when they are struggling, but in order to move on with life, you need to fight it. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. If you are afraid of speaking to people, try making little goals for yourself each day like saying hi to at least one person. I talked about this technique in one of my other blog posts earlier on but it is very effective. If you push yourself out of your comfort zone and embarrass yourself, then what is there to be embarrassed about later on?
  7. Exercise.  When I know I am getting into a funk or am really nervous about something I set time aside to complete a work out. Distracting your mind and releasing endorphins will help you relax and feel good about yourself. Even a quick 10 minute workout is enough to ease the mind from racing a hundred miles a minute.
  8. Have a strong support group.  Having a good group of friends and family members by your side to help you along the way is always beneficial. Having your closest support group there for you and well informed about anxiety will help you along the way, and give you reassurance that there are always people there for you. Luckily for me I have friends and family members who are already well aware of what anxiety is and some even struggle with it as well. Do not keep everything bottled up inside you. If you continue to do this chances are you are going to lose it eventually. Talking to your support group or even a close friend may help to ease your anxiety and help you feel more relaxed.
  9. Write in a journal or diary.  While going through my rough patch I was recommended by my therapist to keep a journal near by and write how my day was. I was instructed to write down with all honestly how my mood was that specific day and what I ate and did as well. This helps you become more aware of your thoughts,mood, and activities that you do each day.  When you are having a really good day, you can look back on one of your bad days and reassure yourself that you don’t want to feel like that again. Of course we can not control how we are feeling certain days, but it helps document any progress that you are making.
  10. Try to think of a few positives for every stressful or nervous situation. This can be extremely difficult if you are constantly on edge. Coming up with a few positives for each negative situation will help you slowly develop a more open mind and optimistic outlook. This method has helped me a lot over the years and I constantly use this technique everyday. A few examples could be: You are scared to do a speech infront of a group of people. Positives: the speech is only 5 minutes out of your day and life and you hardly know any of these people. Do you really think they are going to matter 5, 10, 20 years from now? No. This outlook helps to ease up the nerves and can be brought into any nervous or hectic situation.

I hope this heart to heart blog has helped some individuals who are currently struggling with anxiety. If you have any questions on today’s blog feel free to comment below. I know that it is a constant battle each day but you can not let it win and take over your life. “You cannot move onto great things if someone else is writing your script”

Much love xo.

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