Where have I been? Touching on life updates & mental health

Where have I been? Touching on life updates & mental health

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Hello my beauts, yes I know what you are all thinking.. where the hell have I been? I will admit first hand, I am not the greatest at keeping up with the whole blogging thing, mostly because this is not my full-time job or hobby as one may say. I am not a profesh YouTuber where I can dedicate all my time towards writing and uploading blogs all the time as much as I would love to do that. First things first, it’s a new year…. you know what that means? A fresh new start, and a time to create new goals and stick to them. You always want to keep in mind that in order to achieve certain goals they need to be realistic or else you will never get to where you want. Within this blog post today, I wanted to share with you guys some life updates and basically the trouble I have been getting myself into lately… just kidding ! But really though, I honestly wanted to share this with you guys, more for the fact of providing more insight on different topics and really giving you guys an up close and personal sight towards these “issues” that have been going on within my life.  So where to begin?? In 2016, it really was not that bad of a year for myself. I am not one to say, “omg I am so happy it’s 2017 now and that 2016 is history“. I will admit however, that in 2016 a lot of things really did open my eyes. One of those topics including finding who I really am as an individual. Honestly, if you were to pull me aside one day and ask me to tell you a bit about myself , I probably would not really know what to say.Sure I can say I am a twin, I am 23 years old and I graduated from Brock University but what does that really say about myself as an individual and my personality?

The past few months have been both ups and downs for me, and a lot of doctors appointments coming out my asshole, and literally out my asshole. I honestly have never had so many back to back appointments in my life, I literally have one every two weeks or two within the same week…. and no I am not dying. A lot of these doctors appointments have been geared towards mental health issues and underlying issues that have been kind of suppressed to the side. I think I knew I had to figure something out and do something about these issues when I woke up one day realising I literally have zero energy. I had no motivation to do anything, and my job seemed so exhausting each and every day. I just was not feeling myself whatsoever, really not too happy as well.  Looking back on this feeling, I am so glad it finally just hit me square in the face, and literally yelled “you need to f***ing do something or you are going to feel deprived of life“. It was like someone was looking down on me and told me to wake up. When discussing mental health, I am really open to this topic. If you were to ask me 3 or 4 years ago to share my life I would say no way in hell. In reality though, there are so many people who have mental health problems, and you know what? That is okay. It is okay to not be normal, in fact what is normal? I am not embarrassed of these issues nor am I ashamed to share them with others. In fact I am hoping that these discussions spread and share some light towards this highly controversial topic to let others know that it is okay to talk about mental health. Anyways aside from my little rant, I kind of knew that my eating habits were getting worse which resulted in low energy levels. One might state, “well then eat better“, but in reality, someone who suffers from an eating disorder thinks this is nearly impossible to do unless help is there. It’s strange how you view yourself and how others view you. We are so harsh on our bodies and yet I am one to talk. I am probably my worst enemy when it comes to body image and accepting who you are as a person and as an individual. Instead of days where I would purge a couple times, it became a daily routine. If I ate too much simply because I would starve myself all day, I would purge as well, keeping the constant routine or binging and purging. It really is a vicious cycle, especially when you become sucked up into it. I honestly knew deep down I had to do something about it and asap.

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I actually mentioned to my family doctor during a checkup not too long ago, that my eating disorders had come back and they are in more effect than ever. She then guided me in the right direction towards getting the proper help that I needed. I started seeing a therapist who started helping me control my anxiety better and discuss my eating habits. Although she was not too knowledgeable in the eating disorder category, she did suggest seeing a dietician as well.  She could see that my eating disorders were triggered by anxiety and my way of controlling and coping with stressful situations was to control my eating.Seeing the dietician has really helped a great deal. She helps provide me with different small baby steps that I can improve to each one of my meals to ensure I am getting enough nutrients each day. However the dietician is only temporary and she is there to provide support for me until I am accepted into an eating disorders program. Unfortunately, the only downfall to receiving help towards mental health, is the help may not always be there right away… it does take time. I was sad to hear that there was a 3-month waiting list for this program, but I am happy to have that support system with me until then. Overall, I am so proud of myself for acknowledging the fact that I really needed the extra help that I couldn’t have accomplished on my own. Sometimes, it is okay to ask for help. I feel that some people are ashamed to reach out and ask for that help. I was that person too, and really thought that I was okay on my own…. in reality… I was not.

“There is always help”

24 hour Hamilton Crisis line- 905-972-8338

 

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So this is continuing til this day even as I type this. I am seeing a therapist and dietician every few weeks to make sure I am on track. So now onto my next topic and that is anxiety….not just general anxiety but social anxiety. Honestly, I really should have expected this and seen this coming. In previous blogs I have mentioned about having anxiety all my life and always being a generally shy and nervous person. While talking to my therapist I have realised that I have been diagnosed with severe social anxiety. I was not too shocked to hear this because I hate speaking on the phone, always care what others think/how I present myself and fear speaking in front of people. I will never forget what one of my family members said to me a while back he said, “how are you going to be a teacher if you are afraid of talking to people“. That honestly dug into me like knives because he was right in a sense. I planned on becoming an elementary school teacher but hated doing presentations and just in general, speaking to people. A sense of sadness came over me as well because honestly ,it was something about myself that I really could not change that much I mean…. I am just in general a quiet and shy individual.  I did not really see myself as having that severe of social anxiety but looking back now.. I can see the red flags, I think I just tried to ignore them. I would often get so down on myself because I thought, “how am I supposed to have any kind of career if I have a fear of speaking to people?“. I knew that something had to be done, especially when my best friend suggested I take a course with her soon that would look great on a resume and be super beneficial towards my degree. I simply asked her, “what do we have to do in the one day course?“. She answered “icebreakers, some short presentations…“.By that point, I was done. Bye Felicia . See you. I can NOT do that. In fact I believe she had asked me in November about the course and I was already developing nerves for it… this course I believe is in January. I felt so down on myself and felt that I could not accomplish anything due to my social anxiety. Finally, a light switch went off and I knew that I could help myself out. My therapist recommended attending a social anxiety group which happens once a week. You know those things you see in movies where everyone sits around in a circle? Ya I am pretty sure that is it. First thing I said to her was, “you have got to be kidding me…. I hate speaking to people yet I will be in a group being forced to speak to others… you’re crazy”. She then reminded me that all of these other people within the group will be around my age, and they all have some form of social anxiety. Ok she was right. Why am I really that nervous meanwhile they are all probably shitting themselves as well? To this day I have not attended any of these sessions, but I do have an orientation coming up for the group this week. To be honest, I am nervous. I think it is fear of the unknown. I do not know what to expect and fear that the worst is going to happen.

Honestly I have to wake up and remind myself each day that you are doing something to better your life. I have accepted the fact that I have some underlying mental health problems, but I am finally doing something to cope with them to a better ability. If you are struggling with mental health problems please know you are not alone and that there is always someone to talk to and help is always there for you to grab. It may take some convincing and pushes to get out of your comfort zone but you got this. It is 2017, the acceptance of mental health and mental illnesses are growing, do not be afraid to challenge these head on.

I really hope you guys enjoyed reading this little update blog on where I have been and what has been going on! If you guys enjoy this post I will keep you guys updated on the progress and so forth. Love who you are as an individual and do not be afraid to explore.

Be sure to follow my Instagram accounts for blogs to come in the future!

Main Instagram Account- alyssahotrum_xo

Blogging page- thatothertwin_xo

Snapchat- alyssahotrum

Much love xo.

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“You Owe It To Yourself”-What the hell is Self-Acceptance?

“You Owe It To Yourself”-What the hell is Self-Acceptance?

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Hey there beauts, I want you to pause and think for a moment… is your life perfect? Are you truly happy with yourself and who you are as an individual today? I know this may seem like an easy question to answer and does not have much thought but is it easy for you to answer? To be honest, being almost 23 years old,I do not think I could even answer this, not truthfully at least anyway. “Accepting yourself’ is much easier said than done. I do not think a lot of people within this world accept themselves for who they are as individuals, I know I am still learning how to accept myself, which is sad but it is reality. I know behind a computer I may seem bold, confident and with all my selfies I must adore myself right? Wrong.  Maybe I just love that one aspect of my body where the camera makes me look super thin, or maybe I just love the way the black and white filter highlights my cheekbones… but do I really love me for me? I have been struggling for many and I mean MANY years now with accepting who I am as an individual. I have questioned myself over and over again as to why I can not portray self-love and show it off to others. After searching for numerous years I have finally found an answer. It may not be the answer everyone is wanting to hear but I have found it, and that is being honest with yourself.  I did not want to be honest with myself for the longest time, in fact I was really trying to avoid writing this blog, but I knew that others may benefit from it or even take home a message from it. In previous blogs I have discussed the topics of anxiety, depression, eating disorders, body image and so forth. I wanted something different from this blog. In fact, I wanted the main message to be a combination of all of these topics.

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Behind some of my pictures on Instagram and other social media sites, you may see an extremely happy/confident girl, which is fairly accurate. I am an extremely happy person, but you do not hear the thoughts that are going through a person’s mind when you are glancing at their selfies or photographs. In the photograph up above what do you see? Some may see a black and white portrait, but I know I see someone who is struggling to keep down their dinner they had tonight due to an eating disorder that decided to come back and take over. And that is number one topic that I decided to be honest with myself, and that is my bad eating habits. I know in previous blogs I have discussed this topic and how it had gone away. I have come to the reality that I think this eating disorder is always going to be a part of me, but is not going to define who I am. I may think here and there about my weight issues but I am going to keep living each day to it’s fullest. I know some people are bothered and ashamed to admit that they may have this problem whether it be bulimia or anorexia, but it is something that should be talked about. Maybe this way, others such as younger audiences will be more educated on these serious illnesses. I am not ashamed to admit that I am both of these illnesses, and I am not ashamed that I am going to counselling to get this under control. I just knew that I could not pretend anymore that these disorders did not exist, I just had to be honest with myself.

Self- Acceptance is about finding positive vibes or positive energy and applying it to oneself to create “happy thoughts”.  In order to help create those happy thoughts, you owe it to yourself to be completely honest, like a heart to heart with you and your body/mind. I know for a fact I am never going to be a size 0 ever, or a size 1 …. it is not in my books. Even though I strive for that perfect, skinny, body type, I had to be honest with myself. Lyss, do you really want to give up chips, pop and all junk food pretty much everyday and are you committed to work out everyday? Oh hell no at least not at this very moment in time. I knew for a fact  that I pretty much could not give up pop , I have tried and tried but I don’t want to. So now what?  Well time to be honest with myself. Does eating those stuff occasionally make me happy? Yes. So why give something that makes you happy up for that size 0 body image? Even though I struggle with my size, I am still going to eat that piece of pie later and enjoy every bite, I just had to be honest with myself.

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……. and what about that “A” word… ya you know it, stupid anxiety. I could rant about it day in and day out but I won’t to save you some time.  Alright time to be honest with myself, are you ever truly going to get rid of this mental illness? Probably not. Have you been working on coping with it? Yes you have, and that is being honest with yourself. I know I may not be that social butterfly at the parties until I have had a few shots of tequila, or I may not be able to look you in the eyes for a long period of time when I am speaking but hey…. at least I have a voice, a quiet one but I do. I have come to terms that I will always be that “quiet type”, but in my books, that is ok.  Being quiet does not define who I am let alone anxiety. I still love to share my blog posts with hundreds of people including with my friends on Facebook, I can gather up the courage to go adventure out to the mall by myself and take my sweet ass time, and I can also dance my ass off with my best friend tequila…. and you know what…. that is OK. I may need a little extra help here and there when it comes to social events and socializing but at least I am being honest with myself. Are you?

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Even though you do not want to face your “flaws” or your “insecurities”… sooner or later you have to in order to find or help find self acceptance within yourself. Even though I am 23 years old and look like I have my shit together, I do not. Am I trying to get my shit together? Yes. How am I doing this? By accomplishing the first step…by being truly honest with who you are as an individual.  You owe it to yourself. These do not define who you are as an individual, but they help you accept who you are as a person… different from everyone else in your own unique way.

Thanks for the read my beauts, let me know if you guys enjoy these more personal blogs! Be sure to follow my page for my blog posts to come in the near future,

Much love xo

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Living and coping with your worst enemy, your mind.

Living and coping with your worst enemy, your mind.

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Hello my beauts, I hope you guys have been well! I apologize for the super late posting as I have been extremely busy with everything and I have not been able to sit down and actually blog/ put my thoughts down on my site. I have been super busy with starting up work again, and let me tell you, working with children tires you out for sure. I have also been debating on what to blog about because I usually like to mix up my blog posts every now and then. I have decided to write a more personal post to share with you guys this week, just because a lot has been going through my head and I have had numerous amounts of time to think to myself. I have decided to write this post about your mind, more specifically my mind and how it works/functions.

Your mind can be a magical place, filled with imagination, positive thoughts, years of educational knowledge and places to put memories. However, what mom, dad, schools, teachers and textbooks don’t teach you is how your mind can completely turn against you. Remember having friends when you were little in Elementary school where they would take your toys away without asking or leave you to play by yourself and go to another friend group? Remember saying “I’m not going to be your friend anymore”, and finding new friends to play with? I remember times when I would dislike certain friends because they were not being “nice”, I never knew what the word “hate” meant or even that the specific word existed.  You had the freedom to meet new people,  leave behind friends that weren’t considered “friends”, and create relationships with people who love and care for you.  I remember waking up in the morning when I went to elementary school and not having a care for my physical appearance whatsoever. I would simply put my hair back into a tight pony tail, throw on some random clothes that were not name brand, and throw on some chapstick before heading out the door for school. Now if you were to ask me today if I could get ready in 30 minutes like I used to for grade 6 I would say “not a chance in hell”. I need approximately 2 hours to get ready before going to work, going for dinner, or hanging with friends. Why might you ask? Because my physical appearance is one of my biggest necessities in life. Usually when you are asked what is considered most important to you in life, one might say “education or achieving an education” in order to live a successful and happy lifestyle. I could be wrong but I do not think that this is one of the most important aspects that people would answer if asked this question today.  Your appearance does account for a lot of things and maybe that is how I met my own worst enemy/friend, my mind.

You know how I stated earlier up above that in elementary school you can choose who your best friends are or friends in general? I wish you could do this with your mind, but sadly this is one part of your body that stays with you for life, whether you want it to be there or  not.  If asked one day, “do you hate anybody in your life?”, I would answer simply with not somebody but something, my mind. Not all the  time do I have to use this vulgar word in relation to hatred, but we have a love/hate relationship more than anything. Somedays I am not too sure if this is a good thing or more of a bad thing, but it’s something that I have to deal with when I open my eyes in the morning, to when I close them at night time. Even though our minds are a powerful  thing and sometimes are overwhelming, there is one thing that is more powerful than it, and that simply is your courage to fight it when the bad thoughts approach and turn them into positive vibes. A lot of people often let their minds win their battles, and I am for sure not one to talk. I admit that often my mind loves to break me and try to bring me down. One prime example of this that I have to deal with is my anxiety. I have mentioned this in my previous blog post before strictly on anxiety and how to cope with it. Anxiety plays such a powerful role on your mind and comes out in your actions. I sometimes do not know when my anxiety is going to trigger but I usually have good ideas when it is going to come on. Having to wake up in the morning panicking because you have to go to work to talk to people is exhausting and embarrassing. This is one of my major anxiety triggers, which is the concept working.  One thing that my mind starts doing and I am sure this happens to many people in this world or who are reading this blog is that my mind likes to wander. Once my anxiety has been triggered it’s like a domino effect. My mind becomes overwhelmed with numerous negative thoughts and the “what-ifs” come into play. “What if you can not go to work today? Then  you will get fired. “I have to work every single day of my life, how am I going to get through this?” I do not know if you can. “How come I get anxious and nervous for everything in life?”, maybe because you  do not try hard enough. See what I mean? I feel like often my brain likes to answer the what-ifs for me even I didn’t ask it to. It’s like my mind is invading my personal space and interfering with my life at points. Even though I feel like some days it is out of control, I know deep deep down that it won’t defeat me. Even though my mind is attached to my body and I have to live with it for the rest of my life, I can slowly but surely start to change my outlooks on things, especially when my mind starts to emphasize my flaws.

When discussing and talking about flaws, I do not think the mind works independently on this project but rather has the help from other sources, one being social media sites. I know for a fact that when I go on social media sites such as Instagram or Facebook I love to “creep”. Why might you ask? My mind is searching for new ways to fix my flaws, and gather ideas on how to change my appearance. Sad isn’t it? But I do not think I am the only one who admits to doing this on a daily basis. What I do not get is why I can not accept me for me. At times it is extremely hard to when society and social media is encouraging individuals to better themselves, specically when it comes down to appearance and what one looks like. All you see now a days are super skinny models with their hip bones sticking out, no pimples on their faces, beautiful long hair, and an all around perfect physique. No wonder everyone is so messed up and are thinking in the same ways. I know that this has had a huge impact on me over the years, and in fact more recently again, specifically when it comes down to dieting and eating. I have come across numerous diets over the past few months, some I have tried and some I have not even bothered with. The overwhelming message of “YOU HAVE TO BE SKINNY”, is extremely overpowering and for sure plays with the ways in which I intake certain foods. Often my mind races when I eat more carbs and tells me to “stop eating”, or to skip certain meals. Of course being a 22 year old who is pressured to look a certain way by our society, I have chosen to try these techniques in order to lose pounds but let me just say this. Instead of me being happy and listening to my mind’s orders, I just became angry due to the lack of food inside me. This did not work whatsoever, nor was it healthy at all, and I am quite aware of that. Being 150 pounds and reaching a height of 5’8 is nothing to be shameful about considering the average weight for a female with this height is 154. How come society strives for us to push harder? How come people recieve nasty comments on facebook or Instagram from individuals stating their opinions on how “overweight” or how “chubby” this person is when they fall into a healthy weight category. This is why there are 12 and 13 year olds all over the world caring more about their physical appearance as opposed to their education. This is why eating disorders are so common in this era and is occurring in females as young as 10 years old. We are starving, puking, dieting, over exercising and exhausting ourselves for what? To recieve that attention we always wanted or to fit in with our messed up world? This is a question that even ponders my poisonous mind all the time, considering I am sill keeping an eye on my “healthy weight” and striving to shed more pounds.

I know our brains and minds are powerful things but we can not let it take over our bodies, let alone affect how we present ourselves in a negative light. Coming from myself, I am still trying to create more of a love relationship with my mind. I know that this does not just happen over night, but if progress does occur over a long period of time than that is better than nothing. To become that little girl in grade 6 again with not a worry in the world and a care for my appearance would be a dream, but I know that I have experienced, witnessed and became vulnerable to society’s demands of the “perfect image”. I know that I have numerous questions still lingering inside my mind that I have a hard time finding an answer for such as :, “why I can not just wake up one day and love every part of my body”, or “why I constantly strive for an image that is not me”. Although I can not provide answers to these questions right now, I can state this, “there is no definiton of perfect and there are no human beings on this earth that are considered perfect. If we as individuals keep spending time fixing the person god created you to be, we are never going to live. I hope and pray that one day this message will sink in to my friend and my closest/worst enemy, my mind.

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Learning to love your body the right way; eating disorders & the negative effects on the mind/body

Learning to love your body the right way; eating disorders & the negative effects on the mind/body

“You are not fat,  you have fat. You also have fingernails, but you are not fingernails”.

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      Talking about body image is not the easiest topic in the world to discuss. Weight seems to be the number one headliner that is coming out of everybody’s mouths these days, especially girls and women. Girls even at the age of 12 and under are discussing among their friends if they are considered fat, skinny, or even too skinny. The media has also portrayed a negative image towards viewers that emphasizes the importance of being “skinny” and staying thin. Girls, women, men and boys all look up towards celebrities and stars in the media, and view them as being “our role models”. A role model can be defined as someone who you look up to and who you admire. It saddens me how people want to change who they are and what they look like in order to mimic people within the media. Such changes can be so extreme that they can harm your body and cause permanent damage. Your’e probably thinking who are you to talk? You have probably thought the same thing once in your life .. and your’e right. There was one point in my life where I wanted to change one thing about myself in order to look like the celebs in the media. My weight. I wanted to lose some, and I wanted to do it fast. I am going to share with you a personal story that I wrote in grade 12 for a school assignment and had to share with my class. This assignment was geared towards sharing a personal “turning point” that has happened in your life so far, and this is what I chose.

“Life as I knew it”

    I wasn’t always thin. My body was never jealous with the amount of food I would consume on a daily basis. My stomach and my body got along with one another; best friends as I would recall. I was a content girl, and I had once believed that I could be invincible. I got a long with people who were around me and close to me, for I was an agreeable person, but that would all turnover. God didn’t prepare me for my poor decisions. Was I due for something negative to occur in my life? Maybe I was too greedy as a teenager,but all I could realize was that I was not in control of my life after the age of 16.

     Two summers ago, all it took was one day to comprehend that I was worthless in one man’s eyes. I had meant the world to him, but he had a passion for another girl. Why did he not want me? My security level shrunk dramatically. Why couldn’t I look more like the models on the television? Why do I have love handles and they have none? How come they are a size 0 and I am a 5? I was disoriented in my own world. Thoughts fluttered my brain as to why I was not worthy enough for him? My weight. Maybe if I looked and appeared more like some of the models on TV he would like me? One question that lingered on my mind for ages was what would make me stoop low enough to starve myself? The answer: one boy.

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     Two falls ago, all it took was a drastic diet change in my meal plan in order for me to feel desired in life. Society and the media were eating my mind whole, swallowing every meaning of health in my life. I had a desire to change into the “perfect body image“, like the media advertises to young teens in magazines,ads and television. I could not determine or identify what was so wrong with the idea and process of starvation. I would never think of consuming food. Ignoring the intensifying growls within my crying stomach became second nature to me. It was official, my stomach f***ing hated me, but I didn’t develop an interest for anything anymore. I was too selfish to acknowledge the cries for help that my body was conveying. I refused to eat all three meals on a daily basis, for I had no idea what the word “breakfast” meant. After a while I was seeing slight changes with my weight, and my body image. I had a positive outlook for the results.

   Two winters ago, all it took was one thought that appeared in my mind, to dig myself into a deeper hole.Puking. If I gave in and ate something, I would binge it up right away. Being referred to a “hoe” would’ve hurt less than knowing the truth of who I’ve become; anorexic and bulimic.  Nobody knew who I was changing into. Nobody knew that I headed to the bathroom after every meal to binge. I was surrounded by a clueless family, no boyfriend, and a poisoned mind. My body had become possessed and I had not even come into contact with a Ouija Board, just my evil thoughts. Although I was seeing more changes, I had no idea I was slowly sucking the life out of my body. I was becoming used to the idea of binging and starvation, for I could tell you all about these two strange words I thought I knew so well.

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   Last summer, that’s all it took for my mood swings to come into affect. Impatience, irritation, and ill tempered were the three “I’s” of my life. I had developed a relationship with anger- he owned me. Depression was my bystander. I was abused and wounded, for I was paying the consequences of my actions, all because I wanted to be “skinny“. I was skinnier, so that’s all that mattered right? To me it was. I secretly loved myself under my layers of emotions. I felt like a model with anger issues, for the lack of food made my mood decrease dramatically. I was beginning to not even recognize myself anymore, but in a sense I was blessed with my results. This was all just a normal process I was going through correct? I would get better? That wasn’t the case at all.

    Last fall, all it took was cries from my family members, a guilty conscience and one disgusting number on a scale to make me give in. I was deprived of my body, my weight and my appearance. I had lost a descent relationship with my mom and my family, for I hid all my dirty secrets from the world. I was sucked into a society in which I was blinded, and could not see dangers approaching me. 135 pounds to 120 pounds patted me on the back, but I did not feel deserving, for I was not proud of my accomplishments. I was terrified. My dream was for my mirror to tell me “I” was fairest of them all. The thing that stared back at me was nothing but a broken twig. I eventually brought the topic up with my mom about my “bad habits”. She had taken “hints” on the account of me hurrying to the bathroom after every meal. A weight was then lifted off my shoulder knowing that I was no longer invisible. A doctor’s visit greeted me a week later, as well as an offer to get professional help from an eating disorder program. I had refused to go get the help I needed because in the back of my healing mind, I wanted to get rid of this illness on my own.

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    Last winter, all it took was a group of friends and relatives to make me feel like I mattered in the world. A distraction to get my mind off starving myself, that’s all I needed. Food was staying in me. Cries from my family reached out to me, everyone kept an eye out when they found out about my problem, even my new boyfriend. All it took was a clear mind, a sense of security, stability, a sense of determination and support from my family to start a better life.

By: Alyssa Hotrum

      It’s crazy how much I look back on those years and think to myself “what the hell was I thinking?”. Sadly this kind of thinking happens all over the world, and people just want that perfect body image. Individuals need to realize that you are never going to be perfect. There’s only one of you in this world and you should appreciate that and learn to love YOU for YOU.  Although this is easier said than done I can’t emphasize how true this is. If you don’t learn to accept yourself and love yourself, how are you going to be happy in life? You only get one life and instead of damaging it on risky diets, unsafe eating habits and negative thoughts, try living a more healthy and positive  lifestyle.  I know so many individuals who are dying to change so many things about themselves, one being their weight. There are many different ways to going about losing a couple pounds, and doing this the right way. Exercising in a healthy manner is one of the main key factors when wanting to lose a few pounds.  Do not try to attempt to lose weight with the two unhealthy methods of starvation and bulimia. Trust me.. it’s not worth it one bit.  Look up different exercise routines to help target the areas you are not happy with.  There is no harm in trying to improve certain areas of your body, you just don’t want to change your entire  “you”. Even though I am not a size 0 or 00, I am now content with the way I look. Going for walks or runs everyday, fitting in a nice workout, and making some yummy healthy food is what I try to do as much as I can. Do I go to the gym and workout everyday? No. And that’s okay, you do not need to go and do that. You need to find out what makes you happy, and feel good in order to love yourself and who you are on this world. Don’t let the media suck you in. You need to realize that a lot of people in the magazines and in the ads are photo shopped in order to have the “perfect body image”. There is no such thing. Whether you are a size 0, 3, 5, 8, 11, 14, you are beautiful.

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The Effects of Bulimia on the body

  • tooth decay
  • facial swelling
  • moody blues
  • sore throat
  • bloody vomit
  • dry skin
  • irregular heartbeat
  • feeling faint
  • red eyes
  • a secret life
  • compulsive exercising
  • trouble conceiving
  • low sex drive
  • complications in childbirth

The Effects of Anorexia on the body

  • tooth decay
  • dry and chapped lips
  • dry skin
  • thinning hair
  • bruises
  • frail appearance
  • heart disease
  • blood problems
  • hormonal change

“still worth it?”

“Losing weight is not your life’s work, and counting calories is not the call of your soul. You surely are destined for something MUCH greater, much bigger, than shedding 20 pounds or tallying calories. What would happen if, instead of worrying about what you had for breakfast, you focused on becoming exquisitely comfortable with who you are as a person? Instead of scrutinizing yourself in the mirror, looking for every bump and bulge, you turned your gaze inward?

-Lisa Turner, “losing weight:what’s the point?”

Another key point that I want to bring to your attention is never change who you are for a guy. If they truly like you, they will love you for YOU. A good boyfriend will not pick apart your weight, and you shouldn’t have to worry about changing for someone. I am now dating someone who doesn’t mind my stretch marks on my inner thighs, my breakouts that I sometimes get on my face, the freckles on my nose, the way my one finger bends slightly to the right and even the little chip in my tooth. Because you know why? Nobody is perfect. Everybody has imperfections, and they should not matter towards people that love you in your life.  Do not be afraid to ask for the help if you need it.

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Much love xo.