Dear 23-Year-Old Self 

Dear 23-Year-Old Self 


It’s me again, I hope you beauts are having a wonderful Tuesday so far! Last time I wrote to you it was for my 16-year -old self which I found rather refreshing. Of course, if I had to go back in time, or tell my daughter in the future about my 16-year-old self I would remind her of a bunch of things, the do’s and dont’s of life, the ups and downs, the yeses and nos of life and so forth. But I don’t think I have touched on the later years in life that are shortly down the road.  I think it is so important to write dear letters, especially to yourself, it allows you to see things from a different perspective and get all your thoughts down on paper. A lot has happened since I was 16 to now 23 and I feel that I need to remind myself a lot of things, with regards to the struggles I went through to the great memories I cherish.


Dear 23-year-old self,

You made it. You’re here. In fact, you’re almost halfway to 30, so take a step back, pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself. This wasn’t easy I know, in fact, if I had to do it over again there are things I would do differently and change, but unfortunately, we cannot turn back time, just keep moving forward. 23 is a big year and a lot of things are happening in your 20’s. You most likely are almost done school or decided to maybe continue education like yourself and I am proud of you for doing that. I know you did not want to go back to school again, 4 years of university is a lot, and I know you get really down and hard on yourself. School was not easy for you. You had a controlling boyfriend over the years of university who reminded you how dumb you were and laughed at your ideas. But you proved him wrong. You walked across that stage proudly and accepted your diploma and got your degree. You met another young man who accepted your flaws and would remind you how creative and smart you were, you did good kid. So you did it. You completed that phase in your life, and when another opportunity came up years down the road you took it. That is one thing I want to emphasize the importance of 23-year-old self. When opportunities come your way grab them. Do not be afraid of what’s going to happen next, but take advantage of things coming your way. And your opportunity was social work, and being accepted into a college to continue your education. I am so proud of you. I know a lot more opportunities will come your way after receiving this diploma. But aside from school, there are other changes you are experiencing right now. It’s a word that starts with an “A”. You guessed it. Adulthood. If I had to explain adulthood in one sentence, it would not be easy. We all experience things at different speeds in life, but if I really had to say something I would say this, ” Adulthood isn’t easy”. I wish I was prepared more. But nobody really informed me what was coming my way. I have never really shared a house with someone, especially my significant other before.  If I had to give you one piece of advice 23-year-old self, it would be that you made the right move. Sure you had your fights here and there but you tried something new. You had to accommodate and adapt to living with someone else and that is never easy. You really learn a lot about someone once you live with them. Overall, it was a great step and a big one at that. I think you made the right move.


Dear 23-year-old self, 

Mental illness runs in your family, we all know that. In fact, I think everyone suffers a bit from mental illness in their life, the severity of it depends on the coping skills you know and the strategies that work for you. You found out after 23 years that you developed social anxiety and you never knew you had it. I think you secretly knew something was up, but never thought anything of it. I am so proud of you for doing something about it. You challenged yourself and took it on.  Some people struggle and just keep struggling but you wanted to do something about it which is amazing. Not only did you attend meetings every Wednesday for two hours, but you blogged about your journey to share with others and that takes courage. I know you love helping people and that’s why you chose to do that. You are an inspiration to others and I am not too sure if you see that just yet. Don’t worry, one day you will take a step back and notice the little things you do in life that are amazing, like yourself. Not only have you improved on your social anxiety but you have attended several interviews since then. This was not an easy step for you to accomplish and do. You hate interviews. It’s the fact of not knowing what will come next, or what if you say something stupid and they look at you funny. It’s all these “what-ifs”, but for some reason, in these last few recent interviews, you did not ask those in your mind. You focused on how well you were going to do and believed in yourself. You trusted yourself. If there is one piece of advice I would give to you 23-year-old self it would be to trust yourself and to give yourself a chance in life. Have some faith and hope and use your coping statements, you got this. You are improving every single day, did you notice that? Did you take a step back today to notice your accomplishments? You should do that just to remind yourself. 23 is not an easy year nor is ageing into your 20’s. I honestly wish they had a pamphlet to tell you the do’s and don’ts but then again, you wouldn’t learn from your mistakes. 23-year-old self you have made so many mistakes in life, but you are still here, learning from them, and doing better the next time. That’s all I can ask for. So thank you for making this a not so hard letter for me to write, sure I could write down all the things you did wrong and let you know how badly you messed up but where is the positive in that? I know 24 is going to be the year for you, I can feel it. Thanks for making 23 a good year for me, you have come a long way, as Tom Delonge would say it, “Life’s just waiting to begin”.

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Dear Girl Afraid of Being Judged

Dear Girl Afraid of Being Judged

Dear Girl Afraid of Being Judged,

Who isn’t afraid of being judged? I feel like all my life, I have always put others first before myself, wondering what others may think of me, and wondering what their opinions are of me. But it’s time to start living, and I feel like I have not lived my life yet.  Wondering who’s going to like my Instagram photos, when in reality, they don’t know the story behind the photo, but automatically you are going to be judged. That’s life. No matter what you do, somebody is going to judge you whether you like it or not. But you know what? Own it. If you want to post a progress picture that you are too afraid to post, just do it. What is the harm? It’s your account, your Instagram, and your time to show off your progress. I can admit that I am a selfie queen, and a lot of people have asked me in the past, ” why do you post so many pictures of yourself?“. One word, I am “proud“. I am proud of how far I have come as a human being, challenging myself each and every day. I am proud of how I look, and how much I have worked on myself, I am proud of how far I have come.  I have gained a sense of independence and I have become stronger over the years. So why do I post so many selfies of myself you may ask? Because I woke up today and I am happy to be alive, I am feeling good, I want to show off my best friend’s amazing photography skills, or I am just generally in a good mood. That’s why.


Dear Girl Afraid of Being Judged,

I was that same girl, in fact, I still am at times. It took a lot of people to get through to me that it’s okay to not care what others may think of you. Do you really have to impress them? Are they really too caught up in your life, that they forgot about minding their own business?  I can relate to this statement. After breaking up and getting back together with my boyfriend I knew the judging would start. I had endless amounts of time to think and really think hard if this is what I want in life, I knew for a fact the judging would be there, but I had to push that aside. I knew that some people would not agree with the decision I made but in reality, “who cares”.  Are they really going to determine your happiness for you? Are they the ones in your relationship? No.  When you are thinking twice about posting that Instagram picture because you gained a couple pounds over the summer, just think, “Who are they to guide your life, to guide how you live, and to guide your direction in life?”. You are your own person, you have your own mind, you can make your own decisions. I currently am focusing on my life, my relationship, and my future. Those who can not accept it are not really your true friends and are not going to be there in the long run for you. This is like an experiment and I am testing you. I am testing you to see if you will be there for me, you may not agree with everything I am doing, but you will be there for me in the end. That is the real test. 


Dear Girl Afraid of Being Judged,

It’s time to start your life and be who you want to be. I am supporting you 100%, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, I will be there for you. In the end, it’s about you and your happiness, not theirs. It’s not their life, their body, their mind… it’s yours. I am in the process of not caring what other’s think of me anymore. It’s not an easy thing to do, and the road may be a bit rocky, but once you stop caring what others think of you, you can truly find your happiness and start living your life. I can finally say I am starting to live my life the way I want to, are you?

I hope you beauts enjoyed this dear letter for the week. I usually gear my dear letters towards what is on my mind, and what I think other’s around me will benefit from, and learn from. Be sure to follow my other social media accounts located on my home page for more blog posts to come in the near future!

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Dear Girl in a Mixed-up Mind 

Dear Girl in a Mixed-up Mind 


Hey beauts! Yes I know it’s probably been about a million years since the last time I blogged and so much has been going on! I thought “hey…why not tell you guys through one of my famous dear letters?” And that if someone is struggling like I was and am , that maybe this letter can help you out just a tad bit. I also want to thank a person who inspired me to write this letter & reached out to me.

Dear Girl in a Mixed-up Mind,

It’s not easy, this thing they call life. I remember not having to have a single worry in the world, just having to dread your younger sisters running in and jumping on you in the morning. Close your eyes. Now you’re an adult. You’re here, it’s real. I remember they didn’t teach you this in school. They didn’t tell you that adulting would be like arts and crafts time. I wasn’t prepared. I still am not prepared. I am 23. I know that must mean that I have it all together but I really don’t. I know how to tie my shoes, I know how to be a good role model, I know how to write an essay ( when I like the topic), but school/parents/friends don’t prepare you for your own personal journey ahead.

Dear Girl in a Mixed-up Mind,

I know you’re tired. You’re stressed with school. You’re mentally and physically exhausted. No one can really tell and know how you are feeling except for yourself. When they ask you what’s wrong you simply state, ” just stressed out “. But they don’t know that you just bombed a test for the first time in forever, that you’re having relationship troubles and don’t know where to turn, that you know you won’t be able to enjoy your weekend because you start placement Monday, so your anxiety is eating you alive. But did you personally look at the big picture? Did you get up this morning and look in the mirror? Did you take a deep breath, throw all your worries in the garbage and think “today’s the day I make a change ?”. Sometimes we need to be reminded of that. Sometimes we need to take a deep breath, let out all our worries and just give ourselves a pat on the back. It’s okay to fail, it’s okay to make mistakes, it’s okay to live. We are so hard on ourselves that before we know it, we will be gone. I want to look at the bigger picture. That I went back to school after taking a year off to continue my education. That after school, I will get a career even if it takes me a little bit and you know what? That’s okay. 


Dear Girl in a Mixed-Up Mind,

Did you laugh today? Did you reach out to your friends and acknowledge every aspect and characteristic they hold? They are your support system, and will always be there for you even through these hard times. Reach out to them. Tell them what is going on in that brain of yours. I’m sure if you state “I’m crazy”, they will want to be crazy with you. They will want to endure that with you.  Don’t lose touch with them, I know they live far away but it’s only a car ride away. It’s life, but you make it work. 

I know you stopped going to the gym because you’re stressed out and that’s ok. So what? Take a break, figure out you and your present life, figure out your short and long term goals, figure out YOU. I know you’re hard on yourself because you’re gaining some weight, so what. What are a few pounds here and there? When you are ready, you will go back and push yourself like you used to. But right now, it’s not the right time and I think you know that. You need to have the proper mindset, and I know you’re living in a mixed up mind now. That won’t last forever. Take a few deep breaths right now, run a bath, play some of your favourite music and calm down. It will be okay, it’s always okay, even if it doesn’t seem like it at that moment.

Life is precious. Life is eventful. Life is unexpected. Life is a journey, it’s YOUR journey. Mixed up or not you are here, breathing and alive.

Tomorrow is a new day, decide what changes you want to make and start making that progress. It only gets better if you do something about it. Don’t worry Girl in a Mixed-Up Mind, you’re not the only one.

“I Was That Crazy Girlfriend”- Storytime

“I Was That Crazy Girlfriend”- Storytime

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Hello my beauts, I hope you are all doing great and are having a terrific Friday so far! I decided to write a blog post this week dedicated to one of my storytime experiences. I absolutely love storytime youtube videos and laying back/relaxing and watching them. Whether it is embarrassing storytime experiences, funny ones, or just plain dumb ones I love them all. Let me know what you guys think about this storytime blog post, and if you guys would like me to come up with more !

Okay, so this storytime I absolutely had to share. I was looking up random youtube videos the other day and came across an “I was a crazy girlfriend” video. I thought to myself, hey…. I literally went through that psychotic phase once in my life and can truthfully say I was THAT girl. No,I am not saying that I am naturally a psychotic bitch, but what I can honestly say is that I was in numerous unhealthy relationships that made me grow into a psychotic bitch… and a big one at that. Looking back at these stories you literally stop and think to yourself, “what the hell was I thinking?”. First of all, if someone is making you turn into this ugly monster then why are you even with them? Only you know exactly who you are as an individual, and if some other person makes you turn into somebody you are not, you should know right away that that is a huge red flag. Unfortunately, being in my teens and immature at the time, I did not have smart mature Alyssa to say “Hello, wake the hell up!”. I experienced all this first hand and I can say I have been through hell and back when it came to guys and being in relationships. But hey… you learn from them.

The first storytime experience that I have to share with you guys is of course about one of my ex’s and past relationships. No, I am not going to bash this person, but at the time we both had young minds and were not that mature. I remember the relationship started off strong and amazing, but then we started butting heads. We could never see eye to eye on stuff, and he eventually grew into the party phase where I wasn’t at the time allowed to go to parties. He would always go out here and there to different parties and get hammered out of his face, whereas I would be at home wondering where he was, what he was doing, and who he was partying with. I used to absolutely hate him going to parties, and whenever he would let me know he was going to one, I would automatically freak out and explode on him. Eventually, he decided to hide the parties from me and make up excuses and lies that he was somewhere else. One night, I had a hint that he was going to go to a party so I had brought up the question to him if he was going or not. Of course, he denied it and said he was just hanging at his friend’s house. I had an idea of who he was going to the party with so what did I decide to do? I went onto his Facebook (knew his password) and pretended I was him. I messaged his friend asking if the party was still on for tonight. His friend I think knew that it was me for some reason, meanwhile, I thought I was the sneakiest bitch alive. My boyfriend at the time ended up messaging me flipping out that I was pretending to be him, which eventually caused an even bigger fight. First of all looking back on this, I do not think it is appropriate for your significant other to have all of your passwords to your private accounts that is just my opinion. Not necessarily that you are hiding things, just that is your own private space, and people such as my old psychotic self, are going to lurk the shit out of you… literally the shit out of you.

So needless to say, the relationship got even worse, and we literally went back and forth at each other for months.  Another incident that had happened was when we were at wonderland the one day. At the end of the night, he had left his phone in my mom’s car by accident when we dropped him off at home. What did I decide to do? Creep the shit out of it of course. This is another no-no. Do not lurk your boyfriend’s phone… ever. (Well I mean obviously sometimes, cause that is our job), but chances are you are going to take something the wrong way or see something you do not like. So as I am hardcore creeping, I come across a few messages between him and another girl. I keep on creeping and am overwhelmed at the amount of hate they are having that is geared toward ME. I am literally the hot topic of the conversation… my own boyfriend was bashing me. He kept going off how I was such a lurker and so forth and he was sick of it.  Yes, in all honesty, I should not have lurked that much, I obviously did not give him that trust.  After a while, that relationship ended.

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In my next storytime, I can honestly say this guy drove me insane… near the end of course. In my previous storytime I brought some of the problems upon myself, but this …. this guy made me the psychotic bitch I was. So in the beginning of the relationship things were all fine and dandy and the first few months were great! A couple months in however, we were at a community centre dance, he was hammered out of his face and I noticed he was texting a girl. I snuck a peak in and realized it was his ex-girlfriend. Did that sit well with me? OH hell no. I exploded. I mean come on, if you’re still into your ex then why are you with a new person… explain that to me. I was furious. I think that was the start to our rollercoaster of a relationship. There were numerous times where I was iffy about what he was doing and who he was chatting with. When it came to his first year of university, I was still in high school… well grade 13 as some may call it. Of course, I had the jitters about what girls he would be talking to and who he would be around with at university.  So I give him the benefit of the doubt and try as much as I can to trust him.  A week goes by and I stumble across a photo he was tagged in on Facebook (literally social media kills relationships), of him and his friend  having their arms around two blonde bombshells. I LOST it. First because… who they hell were these people. Second, it literally looked like one blonde babe for each guy, including my boyfriend.  What also did not help was he was literally one of the only guys in his program he had taken at University. Just my luck.  So obviously I was a little on edge about who he was talking to or texting.

I remember one time while we were hanging out at his friend’s house the one night (his friend by the way was a good looking muscle bodybuilder jacked type ok), his friend blurted out “Did Sarah (fake name) text you at all?”, he replied, “no why?”, the friend went on to say “Oh cause she really wanted your number to see what you were doing tonight”. By the way, this conversation all happened when I was chilling right there on the couch with them. You can probably guess what was going through my mind at that current second. First, this Sarah chick better not be one of those blonde bombshells in that picture he was tagged in. Second, why does she want to hang out with you at the bar tonight? I am sorry but that all seems a little bit sketched for my liking.  That was when I developed a little bit of a red flag towards this broad. She was always brought up in conversations about us when we were arguing with one another. She always seemed to cause one of our fights which was super annoying and frustrating. I remember the one time I was creeping her..that is what we do… and came across a picture of him and her at one of the university’s sports events. He was shirtless and she was painting him in the school colours…. that did not fly too well with me either. By this point, I was super unhappy, I was losing complete trust in this guy which made me all in all become literally a psychotic bitch.

I remember the final straw was when he had gotten into a car accident one day early in the morning. He had to drive each day bright and early for morning placements quite a distance aways. He had called me after he had gotten into the accident saying he refuses to drive to placement for a while because he was all shaken up which was understandable. I basically asked him where he was going to stay then and he mentioned that he was going to ask Sarah to stay at her place for the week up where the placement was located. Oh my god I literally lost my shit. I basically said you have got to be joking right? Like you’re kidding? He knew for a fact that I could not stand this girl whatsoever and for good reasons. She obviously had a thing for him and I was not about to let her come between our relationship. I offered other suggestions like renting a place, or even staying at a motel but he refused.   So we chatted more about it, and of course, I was not about to let that happen…. at least while I was with him. Like what girlfriend in their right mind would even agree to something like that? Like “Yeah sure hunny, go have fun, be safe, and make sure you keep your dick in your pants okay?”…. like no just no.

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So later on we got talking and he mentioned that I could come with him. I thought about it for a while, really not wanting to stay at this broad’s house but if it meant to help save our relationship I would do it. So what did my ass start do? I started packing for the week. I knew he had made up his mind to leave later that day so I started packing away!  I remember later on I had sent him a message asking if I needed to bring extra pillows or anything and he replied being so confused. I called him up and asked what the problem was, and he stated that I could not come live with them for a bit at her house.  I told him that he stated I could come with, but he had meant for the car ride with his mom to drop him off……… are you KIDDING me. I lost it and I mean lost it on the phone. I do not think I have ever seemed so crazy in my life, I was literally the definition of a nut job and for good reasons. I left him the option that if he goes we are absolutely done. I can not live day by day with my nerves built up like that… especially for my own god damn sanity that is for sure. So he chose to leave and I right then and there dumped his ass…BYE FELICIA. Of course being idiots that we were we continued to hate text each other the rest of the day and he decided to inform me that Sarah was wondering why I didn’t go with his mom to drop him off. Apparently, she had stated, “I would want my girlfriend to come, just so you can Show that he is your property“. First of all, what the hell does that even mean? Second, Sarah you made me that psychotic bitch. Third, at least she opened my eyes to someone who I do not want to spend the rest of my life with that is for sure! Oh my goodness still when I talk about that incident I get heated and wonder how a boyfriend can be so dumb… someone please inform me.

I have one more crazy girlfriend story for you beauts, this one actually still has to do with the previous ex I had talked about up above.. no surprise there! I remember the one day I was lurking his Facebook because well… the motherf***er left it on I actually did not know his password surprisingly! How shocking!!! So anyways , my boyfriend and I at the time actually were planning on going vacation with his family to a tropical destination in a month or so (just keep that in mind). So I am lurking his messages between him and his friend and come across my boyfriend saying how he wishes Brittany (fake name) could come to the destination with us because she is so hot. Why I did not tell this guy to take a large hike and a half a while ago is still beyond me. But that did not fly well with me whatsoever considering his own god damn girlfriend was the one coming to the place with him not Brittany. When you look back at all these incidents you literally just laugh. Like why would anybody in their right mind want to be with someone who treats you like that and is THAT disrespectful to their own girlfriend? So basically the message to take away from these storytimes is that is he makes you a crazy ass bitch, pce out from that relationship it isn’t worth it. The feel or need to lurk is ridiculous and nobody should have to go to that extreme with their significant partner. There is obviously a lack of trust in the relationship or even a lack of communication.

I hope you guys enjoyed these storytime experiences I have had with crappy relationships in the past! I often find storytimes are so entertaining to read! Be sure to follow me on my other social media accounts:

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Much Love xo.

XKEM5319

10 things I’m happy I tried and learned before I was 23

10 things I’m happy I tried and learned before I was 23

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Hello my beauties! I hope your week is going good, just been super stressed with school these days, but hey…. almost done and it’s my reading week!  I thought I would write this blog post today on “10 things I’m happy I tried and learned before I was 23”. I have been feeling really inspired lately to write posts based on my personal life or just advice that I have in general. I have been laying off the beauty posts recently because let’s face it… I am poor and can’t afford all that beauty shenanigans right now so bare with me okay?! Alright let’s jump right into it! Throughout life, everyone goes through obstacles, ones that are good and some well not so much. Usually sooner or later, we learn things the hard way but hey that’s how we learn right!?

1). Keeping friends in your life who shouldn’t be given that second chance– Throughout your life you are going to come across many different friends who will love and cherish you! Although we are constantly meeting new people each day, we don’t often sit down to think if certain ones should stay apart of your life for the long run. Over the years and from personal experience, I have become friends with certain people who I thought at the time were great. I enjoyed hanging out with them, and loved spending time with them.  I kept this certain “person” in my life for a few years, thinking everything was great and dandy. Boy was I wrong! This so called “friend” took a drastic turn and basically made my life a living hell. They probably should not have been in my life as long as they were, and thinking back now I wish I would’ve made that decision sooner before more damage was done. Luckily now I do not associate with this person, and I am happy I do not have that negative/and bad influence of energy pulling me down. Friends are supposed to love, cherish and support you no matter what. They should never bully you, turn against you, and make each day a negative one! Although this was an awful experience to go through, it now makes me more aware of what kind of friends I want within my life.

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2) Going through that rough heartbreak– Let’s face it, we have all been there and done that within our lives. Is it a nice feeling? Hell absolutely not! But it happens and we can only learn from it! Over the years of my life I have gone through multiple heart breaks and breakups, some more bearable than others. Although I hated going through these at the time, I am then again happy that I went through them. I am now getting better and holding myself together, moving on, and developing coping strategies to  get myself up on my own two feet. During my first break up, I was so devastated that I really did not know what to do. After experiencing more over the years, I am now a stronger girl who can hold it together okay. I now know exactly what I want in a relationship and what I will not settle for.

3) Finally landing a job in a child-related work place– When that initial add popped up for the Day Care position I was extremely hesitant. I was thinking in my head ” this is completely different than the other jobs I have had in the past”. Sure I absolutely love children, and I am in a Child and Youth Program at my school, but I have only really worked within the fast food industry. Looking back to that really scary interview day, I am super proud of myself for taking the time to apply. Was it an easy interview? No. Was I calm and relaxed? Absolutely not. Was I completely out of my comfort zone? YES. Am I proud that I went in to talk to two individuals for 30 minutes of my day? 100%. I accomplished getting through a fancy interview. I accomplished working in a day care where the supervisor had given me a heads up it wasn’t an easy day care to work at. I got to gather that experience working with children one on one, and I wouldn’t take that back for a second.

4) I failed one of my University exams– So in my first year of university, I really did not know how the course load was going to be. I was completely awakened by how much work you needed to do in order to keep your grades up. When my first set of exams came, I sat in that huge room with all those chairs and felt my heart sink out of my bum. I could not believe how intense the room was to write these exams! After receiving my exam and beginning it, I knew right away I was completely screwed.  I hardly knew any of the answers and just sat there. You know when you try to bull shit answers and think to yourself ” okay you got this, that sounds good”? Yeah well I tried to do that, but ended up failing so bad. After receiving the lowest mark I ever got on an exam, this gave me an extreme wake up call. In a sense I am glad I got to experience that because now I know that I had to work harder if I wanted to stay within this atmosphere. I certainly picked up my act let’s just say!

5) I got black out drunk– So really not too long ago when I come to think of it, I had drank a little too much let’s just say. I never really thought that I would ever get black out drunk but yes it did eventually happen.  In a sense I am glad I got to experience this before the age of 23 because it certainly is not a nice experience to encounter!  After these situations did happen I made some poor choices towards my boyfriend which ended up in arguments, and felt like complete crap the next day! Will I be drinking that much again? Absolutely not. These days I make sure I am better control of my drinks, so I don’t end up in bad situations.

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6) I took the time to figure out who I was– Over the years, especially within high school, I literally had no idea who I was. I struggled for the longest time to fit in, and just wanted to be included. I did not know what my hobbies were, or who my true friends were during that time. Over my university years, I have gathered a better understanding of who I am as an individual, tried new things such as blogging, made some new friends who are extremely valuable in my life, and took the time to figure out what I love about myself.

7) I trusted myself and my gut instinct– So about two years ago, I went through an extremely bad breakup with my ex. I kept thinking that things would get better, and that he deserved a second chance. I finally woke up one day  to realize and question to myself ” what are you doing, you are not even happy!?”.  I knew deep in my heart that I could not see a future with this guy whatsoever. I followed my gut feeling and ended everything. After another year had passed I had been talking to one of my good guy friends for quite some time. I knew for a fact that I was physically attracted to the guy, and I loved his personality. I basically kept him in the friend zone for quite some time, scared to commit to him. After talking to friends and family for quite some time about this whole situation, I came to my senses to give this guy a chance. Sure I completely felt scared that I would get hurt again, or that I would find the wrong person, but I decided to date him.  After a year now I can proudly say this was the best decision of my life, and to never second guess your gut instincts.

8)I faced my demons– So within my second year of university I was faced with a bunch of pills on my bed, contemplating my life. I grew tired over the years of struggling with my anxiety, and did not know how to properly treat it. During these times I did not know I was diagnosed with general anxiety, so I would often think something was wrong with me, or I was often jealous of how other people got off easier than I did. I faced my anxiety one on one through multiple therapy sessions, a hospital visit, and medication I take now on a daily basis. Instead of pushing this mental illness to the side, I am facing it one on one, and I know that I am stronger than him.

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9) I pushed myself out of my comfort zone– There were two occasions where I can remember clear as day how I was pushed out of my comfort zone. At the time I absolutely hated it no doubt about it. When I look back at it, I am glad certain people helped push me and I am proud that I pushed myself. Within highschool, there was this specific teacher that I had who liked to push me. He loved to get his students’ opinions on certain things, but somehow always managed to call on me, even though my hand was never raised. I was that type of student, and still am today, where I like to sit at the back and just listen, you will never see my hand raised. The first time he called on me, I could feel the sweat start to drip down my back, because I hated having that much attention on myself. I of course, stated what I wrote down for the questions he was asking, and read out my answers. The second day I did not raise my hand, and just was waiting for other students to talk. Of course what happened again? He called on me to answer. So again, I stated my answer, and they were actually decent answers, I just hated speaking out loud.  After class finished that day I thought to myself, “what is more embarrassing? Being called on without your hand being raised, or knowing the answer and offering to state it?”. I thought long and hard about this question and came to the conclusion that I was going to start raising my hand for that class. I secretly think my teacher knew that I had good answers, and knew that I could push myself. I am really thankful that he did that to me. Another incident happened in University when I was entitled to do a debate in my seminar against another student. First of all, let me just start off by saying I absolutely hate doing debates. I am that type of girl who needs everything written down, and I am not really good at coming up with certain things on the spot. Ever. I had an overwhelming amount of anxiety for this presentation, and I knew it accounted for a lot of my grade. So I decided to work hard on it. I wanted to be fully prepared for my presentation and rehearsed it numerous of times. When it came time for my presentation I thought to myself that morning ” Are you going to let your anxiety get the best of you? I think not! You worked your ass off for this presentation, so finish it was a bang, you got this”. I am so proud that I tried my absolute best for my nerves not to get the best of me. I am so happy the presentation is done and over with, but I can say I did it.

10) I learned to let go of my past– Of course, everyone has something in their past that may bother them, or it may be hard to let go. I finally have started learning how to let things in my past brush aside, and move past me. When it came to relationships I could never let things go such as “assuming every guy treated you the same way” or ” something a guy did that hurt you tremendously”. I held onto this like a weight on my shoulders, and always carried that “what-if” aspect. What I have learned is that in order to live a happy life, you need to let things go no matter how painful they may be. Trust me, there are certain times where I just want to punch a person out because I am so mad at what they did to me, but what would that solve? Are they worth keeping in your life? Is it better to try to work things out? These are the questions you need to ask yourself.  I have learned that every guy is different, you just need to let go of the past relationships, and focus on the new one you are entering. This is a fresh start, go into it with an open mind.

Well I hope you guys enjoyed my blog post for this week, be sure to follow my page for new ones every week! Thanks for reading my beauts!

Much love xo.

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How to get over/cope with a bad breakup

How  to get over/cope with a bad breakup

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Hello my beauts, hope you are having a wonderful day! I was debating what to write about next for my blog post and decided to do a more life related post as opposed to makeup tutorials/advice. I have actually wanted to do this post for a while, so I thought well.. why not now?! Everyone goes through a bad breakup once in their life, whether it’s in their early years or now. Some people have not even gone through a really bad breakup yet, but I thought that I would provide tips and tricks on how to get your ex out of the picture for good. Going through a bad breakup can be so damaging , that you often do not want to even go out and see the world. Staying in your room, looking out the window and being a hermit is what appeals best to you at that time… am I right? I have been there where it literally feels like the end of the world, believe me. What I wish that I had known earlier was different tricks on how to overcome a damaging breakup, and get over that ex fast.  I have come up with different tips on how I personally overcame ex boyfriends.

1). Delete him off everything. Yes, you heard me. You need him gone, and off of absolutely everything you can think of. Being girls, we often like to stalk and lurk our ex to make sure he  hasn’t moved on yet. Yes, we all have done it, don’t deny it. By doing this, you are just hurting yourself! Why make yourself sick by doing this when in the long run, he is going to move on… it’s human nature. Just think, you are eventually going to move on as well when the time comes. By deleting him off all social media sites such as Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and blocking his number in general, you don’t have to come across anything you do not want to see .You simply are one step closer to taking him out of your life for good and that’s what you want. Often unwanted pictures will come up on Instagram with girls flirting and all that, which you do not want to see. By seeing this, it completely ruins your day and makes you want to isolate yourself. Personally while going through breakups, I complete this step in the process and it has helped me so much. Not only do I not get to see what goes on in his life anymore, but you don’t have to worry about being bothered by unwanted information.

2). Write a list of pros and cons about that specific breakup. This is a very important step to do as it lets you see what exactly was healthy and unhealthy in that specific breakup. Often we are blinded and do not really see how much that individual has hurt you in your relationship and how overall.. it was never healthy. Our friends may tell us specifically a hundred times that you are involved in an unhealthy relationship but we never actually want to believe it. Writing things down for yourself and seeing first hand all the pros and cons will make you feel better about your decision overall. While completing this process, I have noticed first hand how many cons were actually in my relationships as opposed to pros. It really makes you think.

3). Talk to someone. It always is better when going through and coping with a breakup to let your feelings out. Having all your feelings bottled up through this process is an awful feeling to go through, so having someone there to talk to always helps out. Even if you talk to a friend, a family member, or just anyone willing to listen will help out a bunch. Tell them everything that is on your mind, or any feelings that you are currently feeling. They then can offer you really good advice and maybe express their views on the whole situation.

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4). Keep busy. Often when you are going through a breakup you do not want to do anything and you just want to isolate yourself from the world. Trust me… I have been there and done that. This often makes you feel even more crappy and depressed. You need to make sure you are keeping busy as much as you can! Whether it be drawing, going on walks, going to the gym, going out with friends or just watching movies. Doing things at all times helps you not become so depressed and isolated with the world. This gives you something to do and keeps your mind off of everything that has been going on which has been bringing you down.

5). Keep a journal. It always helps to write things out so that you can keep track of all your emotions that you are experiencing. I found that keeping a journal and writing down how my day went helped me cope better. Often if I am having a really good day I write that down and what I did for it to go so well. I then look back on my not so good days and think to myself “I do not want to feel like that again“.

6).Taking care of your mind and body. Often us girls tend to think “he broke up with me because I wasn’t skinny enough, or I don’t look good enough”. You can’t start thinking such negative thoughts about yourself if you want to move on and enjoy your life. Obviously it is his loss that he does not get to have you involved in his life anymore, and there is nothing that you did wrong appearance wise. Thinking positively and having a more positive outlook on yourself will help you get through this process, and you won’t feel so depressed. Do not go on any diets to improve how you look or change things about yourself. By doing this you are letting him win. Try to still hold your head high and think positive thoughts only. Reassure yourself that “you are better than that“, or “you can do better“. Saying these quotes in the mirror to yourself will help build your confidence and self-worth. Overall within the relationship you broke up because somebody was not happy and it wasn’t working.  Try saying different positive quotes each day to yourself.

7). Hang up inspirational/motivational sayings or quotes. This step ties into number 6 but I strongly believe using this technique. While going through one of my hard and rough breakups, I taped around my room different saying that were positive and upbeat. I simply looked on Pinterest different sayings and printed them out. Some of these sayings may include “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think,and loved more than you’ll ever know“, or “Start each day with a grateful heart“, and even “Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day“. Sayings and quotes like these help brighten your room, and make it full of positive energy as opposed to negative. These have really helped me, and they help you wake up from your sleep in a better and more upbeat mood when you notice them around your room.

left_me_with_a_broken_heart_by_lababyrocking92-d31jd0f8). Do things in life that YOU love. Often in unhealthy relationships you forget who you are as an individual and person.You sometimes forget what you love doing, so why not do those things now? You are your own person, and there is only one of you in this world. Make a list of different things that you want to start doing or completing.  This in turn, will help you stay busy and will keep you determined to do things. Even trying new things in your life will make you feel more satisfied and accomplished. These feelings will help you over come all those negative emotions that are running through your head. Doing a bunch of things or activities that you love doing will make you feel proud of yourself.

9). Take a day to dwell. When you are going through a breakup it is okay to take a day and cry it out. Sometimes when we are trying to overcome a serious breakup we try to act tough, which in turn could just be hurting yourself even more. It’s okay to set aside an hour on a specific day to let out how you are feeling. Tell yourself “after that hour has passed, I am going to be okay”.  Often by picking a specific time during that day to dwell and let it all out, will help you become motivated to be more positive when that time is up.Nobody is perfect, and it is okay to cry.

10). Try the dating scene again. Of course do not rush into this step if you are not ready. After a rough breakup often girls feel like they are “alone” or “no one else will want to be with them”. This is never the case. There is always someone out there for each person, it’s just the matter of being patient and finding them. If one relationship does not work out, try out another one. Write a list of what did not appeal to you about your last relationship and that specific person. When you are ready to jump into the dating world again, go for somebody different.  Do not feel like you can never date again!

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Thank you for reading my blog beauties! If you have any comments or questions feel free to comment down below! Comment below what tips and tricks work best for you when going through those hard times! Please feel free to like and follow my blog!

Much love xo.

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5 Things I wish I would’ve known earlier

I thought I would change things up a bit my beauty bloggers! This blog post for today isn’t necessarily about beauty, but I thought it was a rather important piece of information that would make a good read. Do you ever sit there and think to yourself, wow…. I wish I would’ve known that piece of advice or information way earlier in life, then I would’e thought differently about it? I have come up with 5 pieces of important advice that I have learnt over the years through experience, but I had wish I had known these earlier.

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  1. It takes going through a few assholes to find “the one’.

Relationships can be extremely painful at times, sometimes even unbearable if you find yourself in an unhealthy one. I have had my fair share of dating so called “assholes”, and guys whose main priority is themselves. I have felt stuck.. but if I wanted to, I could’ve left at any point, I just chose not to. When I look back at some of my past relationships I often feel angry, sad,and disappointed in myself that I would even open up to these people in the first place. Do I regret dating any of them? No I do not , as they have helped built a stronger person out of me. The good thing about going through a bunch of assholes is that now I know exactly what I want in a guy. I want someone who is sensitive, caring, loves family, humorous, a happy camper, and someone who brings out the best in me. If I would’ve known earlier that it takes a few assholes to find “the one”, I wouldn’t have been so hard on myself through every breakup. I have always thought to myself, “what is wrong with me?”, “Why are assholes drawn to me?”. “Am I going to be alone forever”, and “why me?”. I am sure these are some thoughts that everyone can relate to while dealing and coping with a bad breakup or relationship. One of the key words that I have learnt over the years while going in and out of relationships is “patience”, Be patient when trying to find the right guy for yourself. You can’t find your prince charming just like that. From experience, I can proudly say that after going through my fair share of awful boyfriends and bad relationships, I have now found my prince charming. It took a few bad ones to finally pinpoint exactly what I was looking for.

2) Learning to accept your flaws will help create a healthier you.

Everyone has flaws that  they struggle with on a daily basis. The truth is some people hate their flaws so much, that it starts to impact their daily life activities, and their lifestyles. Whether it be body parts, personality traits, how someone acts or the choices they make, everyone has a flaw. I could write a whole list of certain flaws in my life that I have struggled with for over the years, often feeling ashamed of myself. Instead of dwelling on your flaws, try teaching yourself to learn to accept them. Even creating a more positive mindset and outlook on life can help you create a more happier lifestyle. One of my biggest flaws that I have struggled with is my shyness. When I look at other people who are so outgoing , I wonder how one can be like that. I would give anything to be an outgoing individual, but that’s just not me, and that’s what I have learned to accept, Even though I am quiet, I still have bright ideas to offer, I care a lot about other people, I have made it into my fourth year of university, and I have done over 20 presentations.  I have created a more positive outlook towards my flaws, realizing that if I cannot change them, I can try to cope or minimize them. Each day, I try to push out of my comfort zone… and since I am a shy girl that is not something that is easy for me to do. Little things such as forcing myself to say “hi, how are you doing?” or “hi how was your weekend?”, pushes me to open up to more people who I am not the closest to. A prime example of this could happen within my work atmosphere. Since we have a lot of staff members who work within my daycare, I try to at least say hi to everyone I pass in the hallway or at least one person. I have found that this is slowly helping me overcome a great deal of my shyness. Will I go infront of 100 people and say a 40 minute speech? Probably not. But am I working on overcoming a lot of my shyness towards people? Yes. You should not be ashamed of your flaws. Even though I am not the most outgoing person in the world, I love being my quiet self.

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3) Loosen up… don’t sweat the little things.

Boy am I one to talk but I cannot emphasize how true this is. When I look back in the earlier years, I feel that a majority of it was spent being too “stiff”, worrying too much and stressing over the little things in life way too much. Life should be enjoyable and not spent worrying about every little thing in life. If you get in trouble at school for once… who cares? maybe it will make a good story later on to tell your kids that you can laugh about. Learn to brush things off or you will eventually make yourself sick. If you encounter a super embarrassing moment in your life, try to laugh it off.  Don’t let that embarrassing moment bring your day down!

4) It’s not all about the looks.

The media has distributed a world wide image on how the “perfect” female should look like. This person needs to be super skinny, have big boobs, have a nice bum, tanned skin, blonde hair, and a bubbly personality.In reality, nobody can look that perfect and be considered “real”. It just doesn’t work that way. Ever since being introduced into the instagram world, I have always cared so much about my physical appearance. In order for a guy to recognize you, I thought it was all about how you looked! I thought it was all about having your boobs pushed up, wearing tight clothes, and having a flirty personality, but that slowly began to attract the wrong group of people. Since I was so concerned about my looks, I was starting to attract the guys who only wanted “bootycalls”, or guys who were super shallow. I was so tired of trying to keep up with society that I had finally realized, I am never actually going to reach society’s standards of “the perfect image”. Pretty sure my stretch marks on my legs, my beauty mark on me left arm, and my freckley nose does not make the cut.  The truth is, people don’t just look at your physical appearance, they look at the whole “you”. If you are looking for a nice, genuine guy, they will like you for the whole package you are offering for them to get to know, not just your appearance. Love your body just how it is, after all… there’s only one of you in this world!

5) Things do get better.

Everyone has hit rock bottom before or close to it after going through a hard time. When you are at a young age, everything seems like it’s the end of the world. Whether it be failing a test, going through a rough breakup, losing a loved one, flunking a university exam, or getting fired, this may cause a severe amount of stress. Sometimes the stress may seem unbearable to the point where you just don’t know if you can get through it. Trust me, I have been there, and gone through my fair share of highs and lows. But one thing I cannot stress enough is that things do get better. Even if somethings seem like it’s the end of the world in your eyes, someone else has it way worse than you. Take a step back, count to 10, and take 3 deep breaths. Everything is going to be okay.