Hello beautiful souls! I thought today would be a perfect day to sit down with you guys and have a down to earth chat about this past weekend. As you know Christmas is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER. Legit. Um….. hold on… where did December go? I swear it was just the first the other day, anyone else?βSo with Christmas almost here, that means anxiety thinks she can come out being all cute n’ festive n’ shit (how fun!;)) As someone who has no problem sharing anything related to anxiety online, I know a lot of people know exactly what I am talking about. Bring on all the holiday gatherings, maybe family you have not seen in a hot minute, work Christmas parties, X-mas events and so forth.βI know for me personally, this is the time of the year my anxiety likes to linger a bit, even on those days where it’s supposed to be super magical. It is one of those feelings that can be rather annoying and feel a bit defeating. You may ask the questions like, “Why am I so anxious for holiday events?”, or maybe even “It’s family, how can I be so nervous?!”, or even, “Everyone looks forward to the holiday season and here I am overthinking about the holiday event tomorrow”.βWell that’s me to a T my friends. I swear some of the popular thoughts that like to prance around like reindeer in my mind are:
I mean…. and that is cutting those “magical thoughts” short haha.βAgain, for myself, it’s more geared towards social situations. My festive anxiety is coming in full force this year and to say it’s been driving me a bit nutty lately is an understatement.
This past weekend was FULL, and I mean FULL, of holiday festivities and that is what I want to shed some light on for today’s blog post. I want to talk about the feelings, thoughts and even outcomes of these events.βSo boy where do we even start? This year, instead of spending a lot of time in Hamilton for all Christmas festivities I had the awesome opportunity to spend it in my small home town.βSounds fun right?βBring on overthinking to the max (yikes). Small town means a few things: going to run into people I know (that’s a given), going to have to engage in small-talk, and god knows what else.βAutomatically all my fears start to unwind. Instead of going towards the positives such as : spending time with your community, meeting new friendly faces and making fun Christmas memories with family/friends, I am flooded with these scary and anxiety provoking thoughts. WHY!? Heck it’s the most magical time of the year….
Even though I had a solid 10 anxiety going into some of these festivities this past weekend, I can say one thing. I had probably one of the best weekends I’ve had in a long time.βI smiled lots, captured so many moments with my nephew, family and boyfriend. I ran into an old friend that I havn’t seen in a few years. AND my small business attended it’s first event that turned out to be an absolute success.βI want to break down each one of these events and chat aboutthem with you guys. Not only is this such an eye opener to reflect back on, but it really brings light to those anxious thoughts and how they are not always right.
Bring on Jarvis Light Up 2023! Why yes, we were that little small town on the news.βSpreading holiday cheer all through Jarvis Ontario, lighting up the darkness with gorgeous Christmas Light displays, and coming together as a community through ongoing December events.βThe Jarvis Rumble 2.0 was happening this past weekend. What is that you may ask? This event includes Santa’s Workshop with crafts, decorating Chrismtas cookies, photobooths and fireworks later on.βI was planning on going to this event with my nephew, family and boyfreind.βI knew my 3 year old nephew would absolutely LOVE this event and I wanted to ensure he could experience every magical part of the holiday season, even if that meant entering full force with my anxiety levels on high. One of the main reasons for my heightened anxiety was that I knew this was going to be a big social event, one that I have not been to in a long time. My weekends usually are low-key which is what I prefer.βI prefer to be in my jammies, be a homebody and chill. That is my comfort zone. So I knew for a fact I was going to have to explore out of my comfort zone. Was I going to be slightly unconfortable? Yupp. I knew it would pass though eventually.βSo I put myself together and went for it.
I ended up facing one of my biggest fears head on, which was running into someone I knew. Was it awful and just as bad as I imagined it would be? Nowhere near it. I actually felt joy seeing someone I have not seen in a few years, I held a conversation just fine, asked questions and engaged. I felt proud. I also felt a sense of anger towards my anxiety. I was seriously so worried about that? I was so worried about a situation like this that ended up bringing me a sense of happiness. It was crazy.
I saw a few people that I was not close with, who I was indeed worried I would run into. But guess what? They were so focused on their own families and creating those magical moments that we didn’t even cross paths.βSometimes we tend to think the spotlight is shining directly on us, that our mistakes or flaws may be amplified or noticed by others. In reality, when you have social anxiety,βyou are super focused and aware of your own actions and appearance that you believe everyone else is just as aware. I can’t express how false this statement was this past weekend.βNobody gave a f*** and that was the beauty of it. It was amazing. I could feel my solid 10 anxiety levels slowly melt away like snow and actually enjoyed myself.βI watched my nephew enjoy his delicious holiday treats, check out the reindeer, have his first bus ride, and see his little face light up. I remember even telling my boyfriend, “wow I feel good and I am proud of myself”.
Time for the next main event that happened this past weekend. So my boyfriend and I recently opened a mini side business called “Silly Goose Memories”, which is a Children’s Party Entertainment Service of characters you can hire for special events such as birthdays or surprise visits!βMy boyfriend does one heck of a “Blippi Impersonator”,βand suddenly the idea just came across our minds after a huge success and turnout with my 3 year old nephew’s birthday part. Why not create a side business doing this?βThe amount of joy that was seen on his little face was enough to melt hearts and so was the reaction video posted on my social media accounts. It was a hit.βOur little business also got invited to the “Third Annual Charity Drive” at the Caledonia Community Centre.βI knew this was going to be such an amazing oppounity for our little business as well as for the community and kiddos. I greatly accepted the invitation but as the days came closer to the event, my anxiety was having a hell of a time.βI remember a few days before the event, sitting on the couch and chatting with my mom.βI told her everything I was feeling. I remember saying “this is supposed to be such a fun event! This is for a great cause and I should be so excited, so why am I so nervous!?” Heck I wasn’t even the one doing the impersonations, my boyfriend was. So…. WHAT THEβACTUAL HECK!
“I will not let my anxiety run the show no matter how much it wants to”.
The Jarvis Light Up Event happened the day before, and I was truly grateful for that. I was happy to have gone through that exposure therapy already. I had “tested the waters”, and knew that event the day before went amazing, but still was a bit nervous for this one. I think it was mainly because this was completely new to me. I had zero idea what to expect, who would show up and how the event was going turn out.βI am going to share a little secret with you, actually one that I would rather scream from the rooftops, the event went amazing. Actually, even better than amazing. The amount of little faces that lit up when they saw our “Blippi Impersonator” was so heartwarming.βI remember this little toddler came RUNNING through the doors and embraced Blippi with a big hug. They were finally meeting their idol and role model.β Not going to lie, I was holding back happy tears.β
The impact our little business had was incredible.βTo think I was very hesitant when the event coordinator reached out to me a few days prior to confirm our attendance. My anxiety wanted to win. It wanted me to say, “you can’t do this”, “it’s not too late to cancel” and so on. Not going to lie I had these thoughts. However, I am beyond happy that I awknowledged them but simply let them pass in one ear and out the other. I am happy we confirmed our attendance. I am happy we attended out first big event.βI knew that everything was going to be okay no matter how unomfortable new situations may be.βAs the event progressed my anxiety faded, I started to dance with the kiddos, and I swear my face hurt from smiling so much. I did it.
So about this past weekend. I am not going to lie, waking up this monday morning I wanted to kick myself in the butt. I legit was so nervous for a weekend that ended up being one of the best weekends I have had in a long time. I felt my anxiety was built up for no reason.βYes I was a tad bit annoyed having a few restless nights a couple days prior to these events and all these anxious thoughts floating around. However, I didn’t let that ruin things. I still went to all the events, made wonderful memories, challenged myself, and do not regret one thing.βEven though I could feel my thoughts scrambling around, I still entered all the uncomfortable situations that turned out to be amazing and memorable.
I woke up today feeling proud, happy and strong. I saw a bit of myself that I thought I had lost. I saw her and know shes still there.βThat is why I chose to start therapy again.
I know I will come back stronger than ever.
itsthelittlethingsinlifethatmatter 